Okay, now. Today welcome to your FIRST most amazing MAGICAL class ever! We are going to be learning about amazing creatures no one knows about, and they're all in one book written by Newt Scamander himself: Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. I've already laid out all the copies on your desks so you can open that up to Chapter 1.
See? Look how amazing that book cover is! Open it up, you stupids! HAH!
Wow, Eleven. I see you are excited to learn. Unlike other people. . .
Guys, you're supposed to be LISTENING! Not DANCING around! Will, if you're not gonna listen I'm gonna have to separate you from the group and make you sit with Eleven instead
Eleven! Are you okay? You're hyperventilating!
What? You say you don't want to sit with Will? But why? You know what? It doesn't matter, I'm tired of this attitude. I waste my time bringing you guys from Bora Bora all the way over here to learn for your own good soul, and look what happens. You people come over here and start misbehaving and ruining my school, DON'T do that! Will, come over here and sit with Eleven, and make sure she doesn't try to move away. If she does, I'll force her to sit on your lap
What was that, Will? You don't have a problem moving? I thought so, oh I thought so. . . . . . .
WELL I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU THINK HIS BREATH SMELLS LIKE EXPIRED CHEESE THREW UP ON A STINKY ATHLETE'S FOOT! YOU WILL SIT WITH HIM OR I'LL SEND YOU TO DETENTION AND YOU BETTER BECAUSE I'LL DO EVEN WORSE NEXT TI------
What did you guys say to me? What the heck did you guys just say to me?! NO ONE TELLS ME SHUT UP YOU LOW-LIVES! WHAT GIVES YOU THE FREAKIN' AUTHORITY TO DO THAT TO ME?! I AM YOUR SUPERIOR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET BACK TO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or shall I call Kili?
I guess silent treatment is your way of saying 'I won't disrespect you again'. Okay, good. Because I just want you to remember, this school is not just some dumb, low, crappy place where you can joke and goof around and act low and crazy and hip! Now, back to the class.
Fantastic Beasts are all around the world, we just can't see them because we have to look for them and also they can hide very well. Mostly from Muggles, and we happen to be Muggles but ones that meddle into things because we odn't give a damn about what Wizards think they can hide from us. So, the first creature I want to learn about here (my personal favorite), is the Niffler. The niffler is known for its crazy obsession with gold, money, diamonds, basically treasure or anything shiny. Here, instead of boring you to death with portraits of it in the book, have a look at the REAL live thing in flesh. I'll bring it in right now. Don't run to her right away, she's a tad bit skittish you might frighten her. Here, I welcome Piey the Niffler!
Isn't she just adorable? I saved her from a bunch of Death Eaters who were going to kill her to get the gold out of her, I'm so glad I was flying by just in time to save her
Hey, what's so funny about that? Just because I was flying doesn't mean----- okay, point is, doesn't matter how I got there, I saved her. Badabing, badaboom. Story over. Now, continuing with Piey, I named her after the delectable treat 'the famous pie' because the first time I fed her I gave her a whole pie and she ate it all in one minute. Ever since she's had a liking to nothing else but pies, that's basically her diet. So yeah, her name is Piey. Oh and please don't start giving her nicknames like Bro and Mon and crap like that
I know, she's so CUUUTE, right?! She stabs my heart every time. Anyway, enough sentimental emotion, let's get back to class. Nifflers are very precious and are always stealing and collecting and filling themselves with gold inside, then keeping it safe in there to store it. This is exactly what dark wizards like the ones I met want and that's why they go after the Niffler. They don't care whether the Niffler is a living being or not, they will murder it, tear it open, and take all the precious gold to themselves. And that is why we have to start protecting these beasts. In fact, Newt Scamander has started that expedition already. He's a very fun guy, you guys have to meet him sometime. Except there is a little something that is wrong in his head---- ACTUALLY! Forget it, you kids don't need to know about that type of grossom crap. Okay, that's all you'll be seeing of Piey today. She doesn't like too much attention and is pretty shy, considering she's had a pretty bad history back from where she comes from. Give her a rest, I'm gonna take her back to her room and then we can continue.
Footsteps treading off. . . . . . .
Footsteps quickly running back in. . . . . . .
WHAT WAS THAT?! I HEARD A SCREAM! IS EVERYONE OKAAAAAAY??????!!!!!!!!
Eleven, what happened? Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you? Wait, you're telling me that Will un-clipped your bra without permission? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????????!!!!!!!!!!! Why that sneaky, son of a---------- UGH, WHY?! Why do I keep doing that? I've gotta stop almost-cursing. Okay, Eleven, I believe you this time. Will, this is your last chance. I swear to God one more thing happens, and you know what I mean by that, I'll send you to Detention. And not just ANY detention, TICKLE Detention. It is the most worst, nastiest, thing in the world. Believe me, I tried to take on the challenge and failed. Please don't make me send you there, I hate having to do that to my students. Understand?
Good, I'm glad you see reason. And just for everyone's info, because I don't know why people keep doing it, STOP using the silent treatment on me. You have to say 'sorry, I won't disrespect you teacher or I won't disrespect other students', you GOT me? Because being a slunk around here, slunk's a---- never mind, being a slunk is low. That is a code word and I pray to God you don't know what it means. So shut up, sit up straight, chin up, look at me, and BEE-HIVE!
I MEANT BEHAVE! UGH, I HATE WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES AND I DON'T SOUND SERIOUS ENOUGH FOR YOU DUM-DUMS! Okay, back to class. Next up, is the Demiguise. These are very rare creatures that look somewhat like a white disturbed ape, it is very cute and sweet, but loves to steal stuff and be invisible and take your stuff (not to mention he took like almost half of the tarts I had stored in my office) and be a pain in the ass. I did not want to bring him in today because I finally caught him after a workout I had, running around the school looking for him. I caught him wearing a bra on his butt and an underwear on his head. Funny, right? And so, like I've probably mentioned many times before, I don't like locking up my animals. And so he wouldn't escape this classroom I would have to lock him up, right? So I didn't want to bring him, he's running free right now in the Meadows of Joy. Anyway, here's a portrait of him from the Fantastic Beasts book. Isn't he just adorable?
Nice. Now your homework is to read about the Niffler and the Demiguise, and next Magical class when we finish learning about Fantastic Beasts I want you to bring in an essay about those two. Research as much as you can about them and I expect good reports! Okay, good class everyone! Now run off to lunch! It was so nice to have you back after that super-de-duper long, long, extremely crazily long trip I had. Oh, and BEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!!!!!!!! Okey-dokey! Bye! See you tomorrow!
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