Oh Gylfie, that's her. She is soooooo cute! Look at those big, beautiful amber eyes! Hug me, Gylfie, hug me!
YAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Kludd you bastard, don't you friggin' scare me like that! What the hell are you screeching for?
Oh, that? Well I'm sorry if Soren is a better charmer to women than you are, Kludd. So shut up and get back into position.
Say what, Soren? You say you forced yourself on Gylfie and it went a little wrong and then she got pregnant and now you guys have a bastard you're bringing along with yourselves? WHAT?! WHAT THE DAMN DO YOU MEAN?!
Is that her? She's SO CUTE! I'm so sorry if I scared her, I didn't mean to. Oh my poor baby, please don't cry. What's her name and how old is she?
Eglantine? What a beautiful name. And she's 1 year old? How sweet. WAIT. Who the hell are YOU? I don't remember seeing you, or did I miss you out? And you say your name is Digger? Boyfriend of Gylfie? The REAL boyfriend or just another stalker? Okay, you're real enough. Oh, fine by me. And you have a friend who you say is coming late named Twilight? Okay, that's stupid. Tell him he can't be a stupid-ass and that he has to come NOW or never. I'm gonna lock the entrance to SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD if he doesn't get his fat ass in here right now.
Oh THERE you are. Nice to meet you, Twilight. ALRIGHT! BACK ON TRACK! AND GET EGLANTINE TO THE NURSERY! QUUUUUUUUUUUUICK!!!!!!! Okay, now I can breathe. MOVING ON TO THE CLASS!
So, last time we left off with the Demiguise. Now we are going to move on to the Bowtruckle, and afterwards we will have some very cool ones, such as the Erumpent and Occamy. There is also a forbidden very dangerous one that we will learn about later, it is called the Obscurius. But enough of that, forget I ever said that. Continuing. The Bowtruckle is a small green plant-like creature that can fit in the palm of your hand, it can grow to be 8 inches tall. Pretty big for a Bowtruckle, am I right, people? HAHA! No one's laughing with me I can see. Anyway, they are very difficult to spot because looking the way they do, they camouflage in their Home Tree or wherever they currently are in their natural habitat. Can anyone tell me what a Bowtruckle's diet consists of?
Oh COME ON, you people have to know. It's not that hard.
Eleven, sorry, but no. You are clever, yes. I know you know all the answers, but I can't have you answering all the questions and then these people writing it down for themselves. I expect someone else to answer, anyone else.
Camila, I'm serious. Everybody else has the brains the size of peas. No, I won't take that back. It's true. NOW MAKE YOUR BRAIN GROW, COME ON ALREADY!
You know, this is not even funny. Do you guys want me to start taking away all the lunch hours? And to make sure you won't steal any from the cafeteria, I'll hide it all in my office, and you don't know where my office is, 'cause I'm always constantly moving it, it's magical. Never stays in one place. So START WORKIN' FOR REAL AND GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME! JESUS FELL OFF A CLIFF AND LANDED ON TOP OF ABRAHAM AND BROKE HIS BACK THEN PAID A FINE! God. Okay, again. Can anyone tell me what a Bowtruckle's diet consists of?
Sausages? Uh-huh. Yeah, like that's what they "always" eat, and that's why they haven't died out yet. BE REAL WITH ME, PEOPLE! AGAIN, WHAT DOES THE A BOWTRUCKLE'S FREAKING DIET FREAKING CONSISTS OF?
A hot dog? Where in the hell do you guys get this information from? OKAY, NO LUNCH!
GUYS, DIDN'T MEAN IT! COME BACK, COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY, I TAKE THAT BACK! LUNCH IS BACK, LUNCH IS BACK!
Don't you give me that grieving look, I took back the punishment. Now sit back down and think twice before coming up with a disgusting invalid answer like that again.
You're absolutely right, Ally. Aragorn was completely disrespecting me and including you, I know you are eager to learn. It's not your fault that you came in halfway through the semester and people make it seem like you're part of the stupid low-intelligent crowd and pin it all on you.
Okay, so their diet consists of wood lice. Take your notes, guys. And this time, DO it. How do they get it?
Okay, let's see. What could my next punishment be?
Yes, Nancy. You're right to correct Dustin and tell him that the Bowtruckles get their wood lice meals by digging into the insides of trees. Correct! 5 points to Nancy for being the first one to answer a question, and correctly, out of all of you disturbed freaks. Okay, and where do they usually reside in?
Correct, Ally. Yes, Bowtruckles can be mostly found in western England, southern Germany, and certain Scandinavian forests. Did you guys know, that a Bowtruckle serves as a tree guardian for its home tree? Which in fact is usually a tree whose wood is of wand quality, some of the wands we have here are made of Bowtruckle tree wood. Also, Bowtruckles can be easily distracted by of course, their favorite food, wood lice. And fairy eggs. How interesting is that? Okay, class time over. Now today we have no homework, but next time we will be doing presentations about the beasts, and each of us have to pick one to present about. Oh, and one rule, no one can choose the same thing. If you guys have conflict choosing, come to me and I will choose for you. Okay, you're free to go!
Wait a crap, you guys are together? But Nancy, I thought--- oh no.
Kili, no. What are you doing here? I mean, it's not what it looks like, trust me! Kili, WAIT!
Kili, why are you wearing a Panda outfit out of nowhere? BUT STILL, WAIT! THIS CAN BE EXPLAINED! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--------------- (COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!!!!!!!!) Someone, get me my medicine! Quick! I'm not entirely healed yet, quuuuuick!
HURRY UP YOU BASTARD, I NEED TO CATCH KILI! HURRY UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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