Wizardology Class!

 HELLO DUNCE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM HERE FOR WIZARDOLOGY CLASS!!!! WHO'S READY TO TACKLE SOME WIZARDOLOGY?! I MEAN COME ON!

I SEE YOU'RE READY FOR. DIS. CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is anyone else ready because if you're not I'm gonna come and WHUP your ASSES!!!

Stop IT! STOP! Actually what am I saying? I DO hate you, Ignacio, and I absolutely DON'T trust you after the stunt you pulled last class but I still kind of ship you with Rapunzel. Also Rapunzel, are you okay after how Ignacio tried to kidnap you last class?

SHEESH! OKAY! CALM THE HELL DOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!!!!!! You're still NOT okay? Well, I can't blame you, the guy tried to FRICKIN' kidnap you! Ignacio, I think you should apologize to Rapunzel before we start class, also I'm chaining you to the wall so you don't try to pull any of your lame stunts on Rapunzel. 

What the FREAK did I say about FLIRTING WITH RAPUNZEL????!!!! You know WHAT?! YOU KNOW WHAT?! I do TOO MUCH for EVERYONE and get TOO LITTLE in return! Assistants, chain Ignacio to the wall so he doesn't get Rapunzel. Alright, Jack Frost, Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, Caitlin, Barry, Iris, Cisco, etc., etc., GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jack Frost and company, I have something for you guys to do. I want you to SIT DOWN and LISTEN! Because I'm taking this class EXTREMELY seriously, the other classes were just crap because of how many interruptions and disturbances would occur EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFRIGGIN' TIIIIIIIIME!!!! So, take Wizardology, seriously, people. You will NEED this in REAL LIFE because you will be using it to defend yourself and be intrepid with it! So, first thing on the list! EVERYBODY, and I STRESS this! EVERY SINGLE LIVING, BREATHING SOUL IN THIS GODDAMN CLASSROOM HAS TO PURCHASE THE WIZARDOLOGY BOOK FROM MY PERSONAL WIZARDOLOGY BOOKSHOP IN SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! And YES, the only way you can get it is by BUYING it with your own MONEY from ME otherwise if you don't I will most certainly FAIL you in this class and beat you up and flog you and whip you and imprison you and STILL, after all that, STEAL your money and use it ALL on MYSELF! SO PURCHASE IT RIGHT NOW IN MY BOOKSHOP, OR ELSE!!!! BWAAAAAHWAAAAHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Go RIGHT NOW and come back in less than 5 or I WILL WHIP you, SO! GET TO IT! 

. . .

Alright we're BACK! Oh yeah, you didn't see me leave? DUMB HOE! THAT MEANS YOU DIDN'T COME AND PURCHASE YOUR BOOK! WELL YOU BETTER PURCHASE IT BEFORE THE END OF TODAY OR I WILL MUTILATE YOU! For now just share the Wizardology book with one of the students. NOW! Let's start with this book, shall we? So can anyone tell me a general broad term of what Wizardology is?

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, RAPUNZEL! Did everyone hear what she said? Well, basically, what Rapunzel said is that Wizardology is filled with useful spells and magical information. There are numerous pockets, flaps, secret codes, and scavenger hunts hidden throughout the book.The book is written by nineteenth century author, wizardologist Merlin purporting to have written the material in ink (needs clarification on what it was actually written in). AND SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! Alright everyone, this class ends here and now because I have some tasks to do but I want you all to read the first three chapters of your Wizardology book for homework and come back next class ready for a lengthy open discussion AND, a quiz. THAT'S RIGHT! A QUIZ! NO BUTS, NOT TUTS, NOT COCONUTS! NOW OUT! CLASS DISMISSED! And as for ME, TEACHER OUT!

Thanksgiving Class!

 Yes, that's RIGHT! I know you know that this is Thanksgiving class and YES! From now on I will be making classes that are about the holidays that are currently approaching. GOT IT?!

OKAY, HOPE! I don't need your SASS! Because remember, you WILL pay for that if you treat me like a rotten piece of SHIT and you won't like it, not ONE BIT! So, don't bother me. OKAY?! Okay. Now, let's start with class! Everybody take your seats! Now, for the real question: what the HELL is THANKSGIVING???!!!!!

Come ON! IT'S A VERY SIMPLE ANSWER, THERE'S NO NEED TO FRIGGIN' THINK ABOUT IT OVER AND OVER AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If nobody answers, I WILL bring out my whip and flog you all until you all bleed INTO A MOTHERFREAKING RAISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, RAPUNZEL! Did everyone hear what Rapunzel said?

Okay, OKAY, LUIS! I don't understand why you have to be so WEIRD about it! Oh I forgot, of COURSE! You're in love with Rapunzel, isn't that what you've been blabbing about ever since this morning when you first met her? Dumb idiot. YOU'RE AN ASSISTANT FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO YOUR JOB AND SPEND LESS TIME THINKING ABOUT WOMEN, FOR CHRIST'S FREAKING SAKE! Alright now, what Rapunzel said was THIS: 

Thanksgiving is a national holiday celebrated on various dates in the United States, Canada, Brazil, Grenada, Saint Lucia, and Liberia, and the sub-national entities Leiden, Norfolk Island, and the inhabited territories of the United States. It began as a day of giving thanks and sacrifice for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year. Similarly named festival holidays occur in Germany and Japan. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday of October in Canada and on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and Brazil, and around the same part of the year in other places. Although Thanksgiving has historical roots in religious and cultural traditions, it has long been celebrated as a secular holiday as well. According to some historians, the first celebration of Thanksgiving in North America occurred during the 1578 voyage of Martin Frobisher from England in search of the Northwest Passage. Other researchers, however, state that "there is no compelling narrative of the origins of the Canadian Thanksgiving day." The origins of Canadian Thanksgiving are also sometimes traced to the French settlers who came to New France in the 17th century, who celebrated their successful harvests. The French settlers in the area typically had feasts at the end of the harvest season and continued throughout the winter season, even sharing food with the indigenous peoples of the area. As settlers arrived in Nova Scotia from New England after 1700, late autumn Thanksgiving celebrations became commonplace. New immigrants into the country—such as the Irish, Scottish, and Germans—also added their own traditions to the harvest celebrations. Most of the US aspects of Thanksgiving (such as the turkey) were incorporated when United Empire Loyalists began to flee from the United States during the American Revolution and settled in Canada. 

SO YEAH! PRETTY INTERESTING, HUH???!!!! I also brought some Thanksgiving food for----ME! HAH! You thought I was gonna say YOU, huh?! WELL YOU'RE ALL FREAKING WRONG! THIS FOOD IS FOR ME AND ME ONLY!!! NOT. FOR. YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!! NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

STOP SULKING ABOUT IT, MIGUEL!!!!

OH SHUT THE HELL UP, CISCO!! Stop FREAKING OUT! You didn't think I was ACTUALLY going to SHARE my food with you, did you? Ugh, HONESTLY. You students think you're so entitled to EVERYTHING! MY GOD! MY ASS!

RAPUNZEL!!! CHILL THE HELL OUT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST DID THERE TO YOUR FACE WITH THAT PAN!!!! GOD, these students! WHOA GUYS, CALM DOWN! LIKE SERIOUSLY!! Rapunzel is OKAY!

Ignacio, CHILL OUT, man! You look like you just saw a ghost fly by!

Miguel, stop consulting Hawk about it, Rapunzel is A-okay!

Yeah Michael, Rapunzel's fine. There's no need to keep asking. 

What the freak is that FACE there, Flynn?! WHAT THE HELL?! I TOLD YOU ASSES THAT EVERYTHING IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY WITH RAPUNZEL!

And there you are again, William, NOT taking my advice and freezing up in horror and shock over some minor thing like Rapunzel merely hitting herself with her pan. What a wuss, honestly. If you don't snap out of it in the next 5 seconds, William, I will snap YOU! 

Jesus ALMIGHTY! LUIS, WHY IN THE GODDAMN HELL ARE YOU MOTHERFREAKING CRYING???!!! Like when I told you all 'DON'T WORRY' what the frick did you HEAR me say?! STOP CRYING, LUIS, AND QUINTET, STOP FREAKING OUT! RAPUNZEL IS FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!! Right, Rapunzel?

See? SEE?!!! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU ALL DID! YOU FREAKED RAPUNZEL THE HELL OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR FREAKING EXTREMELY CRAZY NUTS REACTION TO HER HITTING HERSELF! I UNDERSTAND YOU ALL LOVE HER AND OLAF CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO THROW YOURSELF OFF A CLIFF IF RAPUNZEL GETS AS MUCH AS A FRIGGIN' SCRATCH ON HER GODDAMN SELF!!!! Sorry, Rapunzel, I think I yelled so much I might have scared YOU instead of them.

Oh, that's okay if you're still shaking-----WHAT WAS THAT, IGNACIO???!!!!!

No, NO! ENOUGH! I SAID ENOUGH! DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR THE WHOLE SPEECH I MADE TO YOU AND YOUR WORTHLESS-ASS RAPUNZEL-OBSESSED RAPUNZEL-HUNTING GANG???!!!! ESPECIALLY YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, IGNACIO, THIS GOES TO YOU: LEAVE. HER. ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU INSANE PILE OF WORTHLESS DUNG!!!! SHE'S RUNNING AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!! FLYNN, CATCH HER, SHE'S GONNA DISAPPEAR!!!! YOU SICK ADOPTED WUSS! I'll deal with you LATER. . . .

NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COME BACK HERE, YOU SAVAGE OOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAFFFFF!!!! HELP, HELP, HEEEEEELP!!!! IGNACIO IS GOING AFTER RAPUNZEL!!!! OLAF, JACK FROST, ELSA, CAITLIN, BARRY, CISCO, ANYONE, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IDIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTT!!!!!!!!!! YOUR GIRL IS FREAKING ABOUT TO GET CAPTURED BY THAT INSANE FREAKSTER IGNACIO!!! JACK FROST, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND FLY AFTER IGNACIO SINCE OLAF HERE IS SUCH AN INCOMPETENT FRIGGIN' ASS THAT HE CAN'T DO IT HIMSELF!!!!!!! JACK FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!!!!!!!

YEAH, JACK FROST, YOU CHASE AFTER THAT BASTAAAAAAARD!!!!!!

Yes, Anna, that's RIGHT! Help Jack Frost find Ignacio and STOP HIM!!! Dumb hoe, he's going back into his prison cell after this. I knew it was too suspicious to trust him yet, I shouldn't have let him out so early. KRISTOOOOOOOFFF!!!! MOVE YOUR FREAKING ASS, YOU STUPID FREAKING ABSOLUTELY BRAINLESS VEGETABLE! GOD YOU RUN SO RETARDED!!! 

Look at you and your cringe worthy retarded face just LAUGHING. Honestly, some of these students don't even TRY! They think this is all some kind of game but it's really not, Rapunzel is in some SERIOUS danger and if you guys don't freaking SAVE her she will get kidnapped by IGNACIO COUGAR THE SPANIARD MARIO MORENO OSCAR JAENADA!!!! AND YES, THAT'S HIS FULL NAME!!!! 

YES, ELSA, KEEP GOING!!! Honestly, you guys, learn from Elsa's example, she actually KNOWS what she's doing. And while YOU ALL are chasing after Ignacio to stop him from getting Rapunzel, I am going to kick back and enjoy some of my absolutely DELICIOUS Thanksgiving food!

Oh and NOT TO FORGET my MILKSHAKES! HAH! Like seriously, what kind of a TEACHER would I be if I didn't have my daily MILKSHAKES?!

What? WHAT YOU THOUGHT I ACTUALLY MEANT A SIMPLE MILKSHAKE WITH BANANAS AND MILK? WHAT THE HELL EVEN IS THAT? That's a THING? You're fucking LYING! The only milkshakes I have every day are these OVER-THE-TOP, DELICIOUS, ULTRA-SUPREME, ABSOLUTELY DELICIOSO CHOCOLATE FUDGE SWASHABA MILKSHAKES!!! And if you have a problem with that then you can go screw yourself. BYE! Come see me again when you find Rapunzel with the others and you all imprison that sewer RAT Ignacio back where he belongs! Alright, class dismissed, TEACHER OOOOOOOOOOOOUT!!!! CHEW, CHEW, MUNCH, MUNCH GOBBLE, GOBBLE, SWALLOOOOOOOOWW!!! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!!!!!!!!!

THANKSGIVING SEASON IS HERE!!!

 HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! YES I'M BACK! And YES! SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD DID get attacked on Halloween night but I successfully and heroically defended the school and let all the grizzly ghouls take the assistants and eat them so they wouldn't take US for dinner! HAH! AREN'T I A COMPLETELY AMAZING TEACHER???!!! If it wasn't for ME and my awesome assistant-killing skills, YOU would probably be lunch long devoured in the stomach of a ugly, gruesome, icky, disgusting GRIZZLY GHOUL!!!!!! ALRIGHT, NOW LET'S TALK THANKSGIVING SINCE HALLOWEEN IS FREAKING OVER UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!

RAPUNZEL!!! WHAT???!!! NOOOOO!!!! That's SUCH A CUTE KITTY COSTUME!!! But you're too late! Halloween is OVER! Oh yeah, before the War of the Grizzly Ghouls, yeah that's what I'm calling it, I had a little Trick or Treat festival in SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD and all the students got dressed up and walked around saying "trick-or-treat!" and my assistants dressed up like monsters and gave them lots and lots of candy! I GOT THE MOST BECAUSE MY COSTUME WAS THE BEST! Also, I might have beat up some people and flogged them severely and stole their candy if they had more than me. Sorry not sorry! Anyways, I SAW you Rapunzel, you were Trick-or-Treating with Elsa and Anna and Jack Frost and all of them! Also, I created a Haunted House for all of us and my assistants dressed up like SUPER SCARY MONSTERS like Rotten to the Core and stuff like that. I LOVE GETTING SPOOKED AND SCARED THE LIVING HELL OUT OF!!! Although one of them scared me so bad that I acted on defense and stabbed them with my pirate sword, yes it was a real one that I stole from Jack Sparrow, and I killed them and they plopped down to the floor and it was over for them. Once again, I'm NOT sorry for what I did and I never will be. Besides, that freaking dumb-ass assistant never brought me my food on time so he needed to be taken care of and so I DID! Anyways, something happened to the Quickening Quintet. They all disappeared on Halloween night and came back with red bloody fangs and eyes, I don't know what the hell all THAT was about but I guess they all wanted to be VAMPIRES for HALLOWEEN!!! BOO-HAHA!!!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHWAHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAYS! GUESS WHO'S ASSES I PICKED UP TO HELP ME DECORATE FOR FREAKING THANKSGIVING???!!! JIM AND MELODYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

UUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOUR ASSES SO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys should be lucky, especially YOU Jim, that I don't feel like killing anyone today because SO HELP YOU, JIM, I might just explode you again like I did that time! GOT IT?!

OH STOP CRYING YOU FRIGGIN' DUNCE SIMPLETON FREAKER PIECE OF CRAPSHIT IDIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU DESERVED THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh hey Miguel! You're JUST IN TIME for Thanksgiving decorating! 

What? Ugh, oh no, are you still talking about how you're in SO in LOVE with Rapunzel?

Oh yeeees. I forgot to bring this up with you Rapunzel and I think you heard it last class but UUUUUUM, MIGUEL DIAZ IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!! THERE! I SAID IT! DON'T HIT ME! Actually, if you DID hit me I would murder you so don't do that or you know what will happen, fair warning there.

Well, yeah you really can't change what happens. IT IS WHAT IT IS! Right, Miguel?

Oh look at that! SO CUTE! Miguel is staring at you like he's about to kiss you, Rapunzel. And don't run away or I'll kill Olaf. Alright? Alright! Now, let's continue on to the Thanksgiving decorations! JIM AND MELODY, GET YOUR ASSES OVER HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU TO FRIGGIN' HELP ME AND THIS IS THE BULLSHIT YOU'RE DOING IN MY SCHOOOOOOOOOL?????!!!! You know what? You guys are incompetent as FREAK! Ugh, which REMINDS me! Thanks for reminding me, biOTCHES, I actually have a non-killable NEW assistant called Luis Miguel! And NO! It is NOT the real Luis Miguel, but actually Luis Diego Boneta Miguel, his counterpart TWIN! Since Jim and Melody are dumb hoes, Luis Miguel will be the one who helps me with the Thanksgiving decorations, RIGHT, LUIS?! Oh right, because you're right there. He just came off the airplane from Mexico, guys! SAY HELLO TO LUIS!

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUIS!!! Why the hell are you prepping yourself up like that? Oh, I see. 

Ooooh, I see you like Rapunzel. Well who doesn't, nowadays? 

WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT ATTITUDE? What are you trying to knock out Luis here with your pan? What a FRICKIN' BAD STUDENT! You know you seem to be EXTREMELY RUDE to ANYONE who even REMOTELY IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!

UGH, EW, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! DEAL WITH IT, OLAF! LUIS LOVES RAPUNZEL AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT! How many men is that actually? Flynn, William, Ignacio, Miguel, Michael, and Luis. SIX MEN???!!! OOOOOOH!!! RAPUNZEL! Did you know that you have SIX men after you? That is SO HOT! You should consider yourself LUCKY, girl! 

YES, YES, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GO, LUIS! GET THAT GIRL, SHE'S YOURS! AND OLAF CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! Anyways, I was thinking, would this look good as a decoration to hang on the doors of classrooms in SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD? YES OR NO, LUIS???!!! YOU'RE THE THANKSGIVING PARTY PLANNER ASSISTANT HERE, YOU SHOULD KNOOOOOOOW!!!!!!

Oh, okay, GOOD! Now I can hang this on the wall. Since you're done snogging Rapunzel, Luis, I want you to come with me, we have some more decorating to do. And you can bring Rapunzel if you want, even if SHE doesn't want you to. LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

History of Halloween class!

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey dumb-asses, it's me, I'M BACK! Yes, I have just returned for, GET READY! THE NEWEST CLASS INSTALLED BECAUSE IT IS HALLOWEENTIME: HALLOWEEN CLASS! We only have this class during Halloween time, basically September-October and if anyone tries to even mention it during other times of the year I slamdunk them and kill them. SO YEAH! NO PRESSURE on keepin' that babblin' mouth of yours SHUT! Alright, so let's start off with a bit of history about Halloween. WHO WANTS TO GIVE SOME BACKGROUND??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES YOU'RE RIGHT, CAITLIN! ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! What a smart-ass. In case you douchebags didn't hear her, what Caitlin said is Halloween or Hallowe'en (a contraction of Hallows' Even or Hallows' Evening), also known as Allhalloween, All Hallows' Eve, or All Saints' Eve, is a celebration observed in many countries on 31 October, the eve of the Western Christian feast of All Hallows' Day. 

It begins the observance of Allhallowtide, the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed. One theory holds that many Halloween traditions originated from ancient Celtic harvest festivals, particularly the Gaelic festival Samhain, which may have had pagan roots and that Samhain itself was Christianized as Halloween by the early Church. Other scholars believe, however, that Halloween began solely as a Christian holiday, separate from ancient festivals like Samhain.Halloween activities include trick-or-treating (or the related guising and souling), attending Halloween costume parties, carving pumpkins into jack-o'-lanterns, lighting bonfires, apple bobbing, divination games, playing pranks, visiting haunted attractions, telling scary stories, as well as watching horror films. 

In many parts of the world, the Christian religious observances of All Hallows' Eve, including attending church services and lighting candles on the graves of the dead, remain popular, although elsewhere it is a more commercial and secular celebration. Some Christians historically abstained from meat on All Hallows' Eve, a tradition reflected in the eating of certain vegetarian foods on this vigil day, including apples, potato pancakes, and soul cakes.

SO YEAH! Nice explanation, Caitlin! I SEE YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF! Anyways, let me start ranting on about how AMAZINGLY I decorated SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD for Halloween this year! I absolutely LOVE Halloween! It's one of my FAVORITE holidays EVER! Actually, I have a Fortune-telling Gypsy locked up in one of my dungeons deep down in SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD, I captured her last Halloween when all the grizzly ghouls came out. So basically, she told me a Prophecy, and personally, I don't really believe much in all that supernatural prophecy shit, but I actually BELIEVED this one! That's because it's TRUE! So basically, she told me this AWFUL Prophecy about how on Halloween Night, October 31st, the Prophecy will come true, and this Prophecy says this: 

Darkness falls across the land

The midnight hour is close at hand

Creatures crawl in search of blood

To terrorize y'awl's neighborhood

And whosoever shall be found

Without the soul for getting down

Must stand and face the hounds of hell

And rot inside a corpse's shell

The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of forty thousand years

And grizzly ghouls from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive

Your body starts to shiver

For no mere mortal can resist

The evil of the thriller!

So, what do y'all THINK?! I thought it was actually pretty cool, although I got a literal HEART ATTACK when she told me this because she's like the Spirit of Delphi, her eyes turned all glowing white and shit and I went into cardiac arrest because of how SCARED I was! I screamed out for help for my assistants to come save me and commit CPR on me and after they revived me I murdered them because I had no need for them anymore.

Yeah I know, it's a little hard to believe but it's ACTUALLY true, like NO JOKE! Also no, I don't know what you're talking about, Barry, because I've never heard a Halloween song with those lyrics before and if Michael Jackson DID make a song with this lyrics he probably met the Gypsy as well and copied her freaking prophecy without giving her credit! WHAT A BASTARD! Anyways, I KNOW you must be absolutely SHOCKED that there is a living, breathing Gypsy-ass hidden deep in our school but I don't suggest you go looking for her because I will murder you. Alright, so just get ready for an army of grizzly ghouls to attack SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD on Halloween night because it's definitely gonna happen, I can read the Cosmos, it will. ALRIGHT! So, lemme take out my Jack-O-Lantern so we can STUDY IT!

SO YEAH! Sorry I turned off the lights in the classroom, I just wanted you guys to see how absolutely CREEPY AND SPOOKY my Jack-O-Lanterns. Oh shit, I can't find the light now, it's SO DARK!

I'm glad you asked, Rapunzel. Would you please light a candle?

ASSISTANT! I'm gonna murder her ass for scaring Rapunzel like that. Dumb hoe. Alright, let's get back to class! So Jack-O-Lanterns, like the ones I have here, are known to be what? Well, a jack-o'-lantern is essentially a carved pumpkin, turnip, or other root vegetable lantern associated with Halloween. Its name comes from the phenomenon of a strange light flickering over peat bogs, called will-o'-the-wisp or jack-o'-lantern.The carving of vegetables has been a common practice in many parts of the world. It is believed that the custom of making jack-o'-lanterns at Hallowe'en time began in Ireland. In the 19th century, "turnips or mangel wurzels, hollowed out to act as lanterns and often carved with grotesque faces," were used on Halloween in parts of Ireland and the Scottish Highlands. In these Gaelic-speaking regions, Halloween was also the festival of Samhain and was seen as a time when supernatural beings (the Aos Sí), and the souls of the dead, walked the earth. Jack-o'-lanterns were also made at Halloween time in Somerset (see Punkie Night) during the 19th century.

By those who made them, the lanterns were said to represent either spirits or supernatural beings, or were used to ward off evil spirits. For example, sometimes they were used by Halloween participants to frighten people, and sometimes they were set on windowsills to keep harmful spirits out of one's home. It has also been suggested that the jack-o'-lanterns originally represented Christian souls in purgatory, as Halloween is the eve of All Saints' Day (1 November)/All Souls' Day (2 November).

On Halloween in 1835, the Dublin Penny Journal published a long story on the legend of "Jack-o'-the-Lantern". In 1837, the Limerick Chronicle refers to a local pub holding a carved gourd competition and presenting a prize to "the best crown of Jack McLantern". The term "McLantern" also appears in an 1841 publication of the same paper.

There is also evidence that turnips were used to carve what was called a "Hoberdy's Lantern" in Worcestershire, England, at the end of the 18th century. The folklorist Jabez Allies recalls. 

So yeah,THERE YOU HAVE IT! Halloween is ACTUALLY a PRETTY COOL holiday that we should ALL CELEBRATE! Those people who don't celebrate it are so STUPID and don't know what they're missing out on. Anyways, so I want you guys to help me decorate the school some more so IT IS A COMPLETE ADVENTURE AND AMAZEMENT FOR HALLOWEEN!!!! Alright, so I want everyone to carve their own pumpkins for today's classwork so I can see the range of awful to amazing skills in this class AND so I can give all you guys a grade AND so I can have MORE PUMPKINS TO PUT AROUND THE SCHOOL!!!!! 

Yes I KNOW, I'm SUCH a CREATIVE teacher! Aren't you guys SO happy that I'm ACTUALLY a FUN teacher that gives FUN homework and classwork and isn't like those other asses out there who assign so much dumb overwhelming bullshit to their students? Yes you are, aren't you? ALRIGHT!!!!!!! GET TO WORK!!! YOU ONLY HAVE 10 MINUTES, GO, GO, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does that look like a friggin-ass POT, Rapunzel, may I ask? Okay, so in case you guys need some extra help on how to carve a Jack-O-Lantern WHICH YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO, my dumbass shit assistants will demonstrate for you. Here they are, watch them everybody!

HURRY UP ASSHOLES!!!! UGH I HATE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm killing you all after this, just know that. ALRIGHT! Now that you all have seen a few examples of what your freaking pumpkin should REMOTELY look like, then GO AHEAD, START CARVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, side note: I'm thinking of throwing a Halloween Masquerade at SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! It's gonna become an annual thing so get FRIGGIN' READY FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Wow, that's awful.

MIGUEL, PLEASE! You KNOW its bad, you know it yourself, so please don't start getting offended! IT'S THE FRIGGIN' TRUTH SO TRY HARDER BECAUSE I WANT SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD TO LOOK SCARY AS HELL THIS SEASON, DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also if you don't hurry up and make me something worth it, then I might just blab to Rapunzel about your feelings for her. 

EXACTLY! You don't want me to do that, right? Because you know she would scream if I told her, so start WORKING YOUR BUTT OFF! SCRAM! GO AHEAD! Also, Hawk there is just trying to give you some pointers about how to do it right. HAWK, SHOW HIM HOW IT'S DONE!!!!

Ooooh, I like where this is going!

AND HE'S FINISHED!!!! HAWK IS FINISHED!!!! OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GORGEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WILL BE THE FIRST PUMPKIN TO DECORATE THE HALLWAYS!!!!! HAWK OH MY GOD HAWK YOU ARE MY LITERAL HEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Guys! You should all follow HAWK'S example! YOU HEAR THAT?! Okay you guys heard it! OKAY, THAT'S TIME!!!! Everyone show your pumpkins and lets see who wins best pumpkin!!! This was also somewhat of a pumpkin-carving contest, so yeah!

Rapunzel! OH MY GOD! Is this one YOURS???!!! THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS ONE???? REALLY???? I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOOOOOOVE THAT MOVIE!!!!

A+/100% FOR YOU RAPUNZEL!!!

YEEEEEEES!!! I KNOW YOU'RE SO EXCITED AND HAPPY AND OVERWHELMED!!! You did an absolutely remarkable and AMAZING job, Rapunzel!!! You deserve the grade you received! ALRIGHT, NEXT UP, MIGUEL DIAZ!!!!

Whoa, it actually came out better than I expected it to. Well, points to YOU, Miguel, for making an absolutely CREEPY AND SPOOKY Jack-O-Lantern that will SCARE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYONE WHO WALKS BY IT AND GIVE THEM A HEART ATTACK AND A STROKE AND GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST AND DIE ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! Okay sorry, I went overboard, actually I didn't, you guys just can't handle anything because you're freaking SISSIES!!!

Okay, OKAY! DON'T TAKE IT TO YOUR HEAD!!! Stop fist-bumping my dumb-ass assistant PLEASE! Also, you could give that Jack-O-Lantern to Rapunzel as a love confession if you want to, I personally think that would be an AWESOME idea! Of course it's awesome, because I, the Teacher, came up with it!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!! YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT, RAPUNZEL, PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT!!! NEVER MIND! FORGET I SAID THAT! AND WE'RE MOVING ON!!! FLYNN, LET. HER. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh! Who's pumpkin is this? 

I'm sorry, am I supposed to be impressed? This pumpkin has absolutely NO character WHATSOEVER! Look at its COMPLETELY BLAND-ASS FACE!!! I can't even BELIEVE you think this QUALIFIES, Cisco! This is a straight up F right here, brother! 

Don't even THINK about fighting with me on it, you KNOW you didn't try! YOU KNOW! ALRIGHT! MOVIN' OOOON!!! Barry! Is this YOURS?

OOOOOOH!!!! It has green flames emerging from it, you added that EXTRA TOUCH OF HALLOWEEN SEASON SPOOKINESS! OH BABY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, FOR THIS YOU DESERVE AN A++++++++++++++++++-------

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! FORGET I SAID THAT, BARRY! EVERYONE, FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID OR I WILL MURDER YOU AAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!! Except for Barry of course! ANYWAAAAYYSSS!!!!! Let's take a look at the rest, shall we? Hehe! "sweat, sweat, pant, pant"

WHAT?! How are their FACES moving?! Who did this? Ignacio? Ignacio how did you do that?

Yeah, I'm talking to YOU, YOU BASTARD!!!! HEY, HEY! STOP LOOKING AT RAPUNZEL AND LOOK AT ME!! ME, YOUR TEACHER!!! Oh yeah, by the way, I decided to reform you and turn you into my student so your criminal record against Rapunzel would be washed clean.

Also, stop being so awkward towards Ignacio, Rapunzel, I know you remember that kiss that happened last class between you and him and that might happen again if you're not careful with that fresh attitude! Who's pumpkin is this? It looks so PLAIN! Although I still like how eerie and spooky and creepy it looks, A- to THIS PERSON!

Oh it was Olaf, of COURSE! Who ELSE would it be? Olaf, have Miguel show you how to do it the right way! ALRIGHT, CLASS OVER, AND TEACHER OUT!!!!