Oh thank you, Aaya. You obeyed me directly. And I don't see anyone else, is it because you guys have stage fright? BECAUSE I DON'T STAND FOR STAGE FRIGHT! GET YOUR FAT-ASSES OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!
Oh hey, Clara. I see you're back from your 2 year trip to frosty Antarctica. What were you doing over there?
You protected the wildlife there and helped an injured penguin that was close to death back to life? My God, Clara. That is amazing!
Um, Ariana? I don't think it's very smart to come wearing THAT costume, that's like playboy or something. And how many times must I tell you NOT to wear stuff like that, young lady? You have a J-cup bra size, why can't you square with it? It's too much to show off. Especially with all the perverts around here. Look, people are staring already. Now get some proper clothes on, because I have an announcement to make. We will be rehearsing a brand new play this year, and guess what it is? Guess, guess! BEAUTY AND THE BEAST! "Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme" oh Jesus I absolutely love Beauty and the Beast! And I have all the parts figured out. And I know who I want to be who. This year no one is deciding, I decide for them or it will be catastrophic. You got me, kids?
Harry, how DARE--- you see? This is exactly the type of smug attitude I don't wanna get around here. Harry, if you turn against me one more time, oh YOU will wish you'd never been born, boy. HAH! A QUOTE YOUR UNCLE SAID, HOW FUNNY! HAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I---- Ahem! Sorry, got a little too far ahead there. But anyway, places everyone! So, I believe I have made my choice about who to cast as the beauty, Belle.
Sorry, not you, Clara. You're really good, but it's just you already got to play Cinderella the last time we had a play.
Yes, you Hermione! I think you are absolutely perfect to have the lead role this year. Belle does actually suit you. Now, let's get you into that golden dress and while you're fitting into that, I'll cast out a Beast for you. Someone help me out here.
No, not YOU, Ron! You're a HORRIBLE choice! Just get out of here and eat your foot! Actually wait no, DON'T. That is a complete disrespect to the whole school because it is all based on showing off your feet and if you eat your foot you will never be able to SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I LOVE SAYING THAT CATCH PHRASE! Ron, help. I'm actually crying, it's so emotional for me, it's been a whole 3 years since this school was created. Someone help. WAIT! ANOTHER important announcement! Let's have a SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD anniversary tomorrow, LET'S GO! Okay, any luck, my friends?
Guys, come ON already! How hard is it to find the perfect bea--- wait a spell. Regina, wait right there. I'm gonna go get you a dress. Here, put this on.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Regina, you look FABULOUS in that gown! I daresay I would adore having you cast as the Featherduster! You know, the one that Lumiere has an affair with? And speaking of affair, Landon is gonna be Lumiere. Anyway, his name starts L like Lumiere, how funny is THAT? HAHA!
I see Landon likes the idea, what about you, Regina?
You say NO? What the Abraham collided into Jehovah's toilet and fell in butt first are you talking about? You just don't want to be the Featherduster and for him to be Lumiere, because you are DISGUSTED by him! YOU IDIOTS, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FIND A BEAST?!
What, Hook? You say you think you found a good one? Where is he? I don't see hi--- MATTHEW?!
Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no. Matthew happens to be my deceased grandma's ex-husband's half-brother's grandson's brother's daughter's sister's friend's son! Why the hell would he be a good beast? So sorry about the inconvenience, Matthew. Don't get your hopes up, it's never gonna happen because I don't think you'll do good for the Beast and you certainly don't have the face or body strength or---- WAIT A COMPLETE CRAPPY SHIT DEMENTED OUTLANDISH DODO! I think you DO have it in you. Here, let's get your costume. But before we do, HERMIONE! How long does it take to fit on a stupid-ass crappy cheap yellow China-produced dress with fake glitter and----
Listen, I hate having to put up my Theater director's mean and angry impressio---- Hermione? Can it really be you? Is that the dress you found? I can't, I can't believe it. I'm, I'm tearing up. I'm (sob, sob) someone get me a (SCREECH!) hankie, I'm, I'm (sob, sob) not okay here right now, like totally not okay. This is too much for (sob, sob) (SCREAM!) me.
Hey, HEY! Why are you guys partying around? You're supposed to be dressing up for your parts! And speaking of that, Ariana? My other friend's niece here, Jessie --- she just became my new assistant and will be working as the wardrobe manager for this show --- has a GREAT idea for you!
She says she knows how well you sing and she wants you to perform the world-wide famous song 'Tale As Old As Time' from Beauty and the Beast! How amazing is that? You get to sing something that Celine Dion sang! So what do you say?
You say YES?! OH GOODY! That is very good, I was hoping you would say that. Now come with Jessie, she's gonna take you to the closet to find you a perfect dress for your performance. Okay guys, how is the Beast costume going with Matthew?
OH HOLY SHIT! So sorry for the ghetto language, it's just that you frightened the literal crapola out of me, Matthew. Look at you, you look SO real. Who made this costume? They're gonna get SO much credit from me, maybe even a prize.
Wait, seriously? Nancy and Kili? You actually worked together to make this? But you absolutely DESPISE him, Nancy. Okay, I shouldn't have said that. Forget what I said. All you guys have to know is that you did an AMAZE job! Okay, rest of the parts. So far: Hermione is Belle, Matthew is the Beast, Regina is the Featherduster, Landon is Lumiere, Ariana will sing the famous song. Now I think that Peter Pan, the one that happens to be Jack and Maggie's dad, should be Cogsworth. No offense, but you're like old, so yeah. You'll fit. Don't Ask and Lost Boys, you're assigned to do the makeup on the performers. You can start on Pan the Man. 
Okay, you guys BETTER do a good job on him. I don't want to see any ghetto kind of style done on him or disgusting low crap like Fetty Wap. If I see that I'll whip you. I'm not kidding, that's not funny. This show is supposed to be perfect and respectable. Not a shit circus about rappers and gross stuff like that.
Ariana, how is the practice going---- WHOA! What's with the off-key dress? Jessie, get the hell over here!
Yes, you did something wrong. You did something very wrong. I mean come on, what kind of a dress is THAT? I know you can do better. Students! Come out, let me see your clothes as background characters.
COUGH! What the--- what is this? Is this supposed to make me laugh? Because I'm telling you, this is most definitely NOT funny. Those clothes scare me to death! They look like a bird pooped on a dead foot. Get your stupid sorry asses out of my face and go change into something better for Christ's sake! Ugh! Can this get any worse?
Oh my God, Eleven! That is such a pretty dress! I daresay you could almost have stolen away the part for Belle yourself.
Ooooh, I see someone thinks Eleven looks like an angel. Love is in the air, my friends! La la la la la, lala la la la la la laaaaaaa!
Eleven, you do actually look like an angel. Am I dead? Did I get hit by a flying chocolate fudge doughnut with sprinkles that was heading for my mouth but hit my head instead and I fell down and died? Damn it! Now I want a doughnut!
MUNCH! SWALLOW! BUUUUUURP!!!! There we go, I'm happy now. ARIANA?!
What? You say you found someone who wanted to sing the male part of the duet? Okay, who is it? Oh it's John Legend? You mean my friend's aunt's husband's ex-wife's half-brother's son's nephew? How did you ever come across him? Never mind. Oh you say you're ready to show us your song? You think you're ready to perform it? And you got Hermione and Matthew to learn the dance moves along with your song? Okay, show it off, girl!
. . . . . . .Oh. . .my. . .God. Ariana, John, Hermione, Matthew, YOU ALL DID AN AMAZING JOB! I don't even know what to say, I'm speechless! I wanna say something but I don't know what! I-I-I--- I think I forgot how to breathe. Oh, oh, OH! Oh, there it is, heh! Who forgets how to breathe? I mean, that's so stupid. Now who thought it was just as amazing as ever?
Yeah, it's pretty obvious that YOU liked it, Enrique. Anyone ELSE?
Well thank you guys, I can see you really liked it. Everybody should thank the four for doing so well.
What, Baelfire? You thought it was enchanting? Yeah, I thought it was magical too. And Hook as well. Ariana, I believe your performance was awesome and beautiful and I hope it will shine like a bright star when it's time for the play. You sang your soul out, that's so fantastic!
Thanks, I'm glad you're motivated. Now, let's see what dresses the other girls can wear since they will be playing supporting and background characters.
Nice dress you picked out there, Belle. And I can see Rumple is wearing a dashing blue coat.
You wanna keep that dress, Blue? Well, okay. It's so pretty anyway you don't even need to change.
Emma, stunning! Keep up the good face. Remember what I always say: no matter what you feel inside, always put on a good face. So if you're dying from stage fright and feel like an army of butterflies is swarming up in your belly, just SMILE!
Yeah, that's happiness right there. Oh, and add that what you did right there into one of the musical numbers, it'll work good.
Wendy, put something on too, you are NOT going to be left behind if you like to think so. You are also going to be a background character. Here, choose one of these many beautiful astounding dresses and gowns in this closet.
No I don't care if you think they're too low-cut, not all of them are. In fact, if you are going to be acting so upsetting and ruining everyone's joyful mood, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pick something for you. And let go of Rumple's hand, he's no longer gonna be able to protect you. I can't believe you're actually dating him, Wendy. That's disgusting and low, even Belle is more qualified for him than you. And that's saying something because even she's not qualified for him either. Now I'm gonna make you let go of his hand because you just don't get me. Here I go forcing you away from him.
Okay, I did it. Now, let's pick out a nice dress for you. How about this one?
Alright, you can come out now.
Wow, you look amazing in that, Wendy. And I can see someone else thinks so as well.
Well, well, well. Baelfire likes the way you look in your dress as well as how the dress is designed. WHOOPS! I shouldn't have said that!
YES! And you will respect Baelfire. Don't you dare treat him selfishly, Wendy Moira Angela Darling! If he likes you, he does! It doesn't matter if he tried to kidnap you, bewitched the Room of Requirement so we couldn't get out, or kill me with a satanic monstrous murderous feline. Baelfire didn't mean all that, and YES, I just said that. Now you have to kiss Baelfire or I will have to punish you!
Wendy? I have a whip here you know, and I'm currently walking to Rumple.
I see he's upset. Do you seriously want Rumple to get hurt?
Well?
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! WENDY DID IT! WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! YEAH, BABY! YOW! Ain't nothing like a bayi-o! Ain't nothing like an aan-no-neh!
I see you're stunned and upset, Rumple. And I need you to apologize to Bae for showing verbal abuse by crying like that and being weak. I know it sounds crazy and like I'm trying to turn on you on purpose, but I expect you to do it. I'm sorry for all this, but I had to show Wendy that she had to pay the price for upsetting and disrespecting Baelfire. That's what we do here in SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD. I don't tolerate it when people do bad stuff, so I make them have to pay the price. Just like your saying: magic always comes with a price. Am I right? AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Wait, why are you apologizing to him? Oh yeah, because I told you to. Anybody else thinks I did a good job?
See? Everyone thinks it's funny! So stop being such drama queens, Wendy and Rumple. Anyway, one more thing for today, we have a producer named Anna of Arendelle (the other Anna of Arendelle's cousin) and the director, actually wait no, we HAVE a director. ME! But anyway, the editor of the show is Princess Eva. So, meet Princess Anna and Princess Eva, producer and editor of the play Beauty and the Beast!
What, Eva? You say this show will be pure as snow? Well thanks! Okay, rehearsal is over! Now, LUNCH TIME! I should get myself a big greasy whopper sandwich.
Oh well then, you will enjoy the Cafeteria, Anna. Oh, and guys, remember this Anna?
She's actually not here anymore. She left because she couldn't stay anymore, she developed a tumor and went back to Arendelle to cure it. Kristoff and Elsa couldn't do anything about it, and Jack Frost commit suicide from depression of the loss of Anna. In lovable memory of Anna of Arendelle, God Bless Her And We Hope She Is In A Better Place. Amen. (crying) I-I-I'm sorry, guys. (Sniffle) I didn't mean to turn your happy sunshine day into a sad cloudy sky. I-I-I just c-can't believe it's been a y-year since Anna has been g-gone. I'm sorry, so s-sorry.
A toast, for Anna, everyone.
Don't you DARE choose now to tell me that I should cut down on the sweets! (Sob, sob) We just lost a friend, a friend that was s-s-so c-close (sneeze! sob) that she was considered a family m-m-m-member. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My trusted lovable friends that come to visit every year on a special day, the Skylanders and Giants, will make a speech for her. This year it is Trigger Happy's turn. (sob)
Th-th-there she i-i-is. (sob, sob).
Okay, Trigger Happy finished with her speech. God Bless Anna. Amen. Rehearsal over.
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