Flying Class

Okay, I just got a medical appointment and I'm back from it. They say that thing that almost ended my life in the Room of Requirement didn't do much damage, just a couple of cuts and scratches. Heh! What a stupid pet that you actually consider a terrifying demon! He thinks that's a match against me and my SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD beasts and creatures? Wait till he meets the Demogorgon. Actually wait, no that's not good. Forget I ever said that students, FORGET IT! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DEMOGORGON AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU AND YOU DON'T KNOW!

You're right, Blue. Except I'M the one who should be saying that. Please don't tell anyone else, since you're the only one here right now. Also, don't go looking for the Demogorgon, and DON'T whatsoever go into the Forbidden Room. Whoops, damn it! I just said the location! Just please, whatever you do don't go there. It is SOOOO dangerous. Now, everybody line up. Today we are going to have Flying Class, which we haven't had in OH so long. Blue, since she came first, will demonstrate, and since she is a fairy, I'm pretty sure she will get straight A's in this class. Get it? Fairy? Wings? Flying class? Ugh, whatever. You're lame. Get out of my face, asshole. Alright, Blue. Show us how to do the Plie. Pronounced - (PLEE-EH). The Plie is a very difficult flying position to master. All the requirements to do it perfectly are: stand straight and tall, legs straight, arms straight down, and chin up. Here is a diagram of it.   

Okay, everything looks good there except this diagram fails to show the chin-up part. Well anyway, you get the idea. Now Blue will demonstrate it. Watch her, guys! 

See how crystal clearly she does it? Now YOU guys try it! 

What Soren? You say you're too frightened? YOU'RE A WHOOP-DAMN OWL! Sorry, got too emotional there, but seriously, you're an owl, Soren. How hard can it be? Can someone please pluck up the courage to volunteer and show Soren how incredibly easy it is to do the Plie once you get the hang of it? Especially if you have wings?

WOW! Good job, Gylfie. You are doing the Plie so well! Thank you so much for showing Soren here the way to do it. And look! He's even flying with you! 

Oh look, and I can see Kludd doing his Plie perfectly over there too. You guys are going to do AWESOME on the Flight Test. I daresay I might even give you early A+'s. You guys are so good! Okay, so now that we have done the Plie and the rest of you who don't have wings will find it very difficult to achieve, we will fill in our work on the Plie later. Right now, we will focus on the Releve. Pronounced (REH-LEAVE). Basically it's pronounced like 'relieve'. Get it? GET IT? I guess you do. Now. The Releve is a crazy position, not as crazy as the Wendiyo, which we will eventually get to. This Releve allows you to fly away fast as nuts! This is the position for it: arms apart, legs together, stand up straight, and chin forward not up, REMEMBER THAT! It's kinda like the cross, that will help you remember. Okay, here is the diagram.    

ASSISTANT, STOP MOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, she stopped moving. Now look at her, do you see how straight she is and how accurate her position is to the position itself? Good. Now I want someone other than the owls to do this one. Someone who is willing to risk it and jump off the magical cloud. How about Jim?

AWESOME, JIM! That's great! You're doing the position exactly the way you should, except you are plunging down the wrong way. Oh no, you're falling down! Nah whatever, I don't wanna get up anyway. Who cares what happens to him? I'll just order one of my assistants to go catch him, even though they might get crushed to death themselves, since Jim definitely does not weigh any less than 140. Now my other assistant here will show you the classic Peter Pan style of flying, HAH! How funny, two of my students are Peter! HAH! Okay assistant, get your chubabupup fat-ass out here and start flying it up!

See? Look how graceful he looks in the air, oh and in no way is this meant to be nice to you assistant because I DO NOT WASTE MY NICENESS ON ASSISTANTS! NOW STOP FLYING THAT STUPID POSITION AND GET OUT OF THE SKY! MAKE SPACE FOR THE OTHERS! (BLAST!) Okay, I blasted him down with one of my guns, we should be good now. Anyone want to try?
 

It's gonna help by helping you learn how to fly so you can save yourself in extreme conditions you stupid! How many times do I have to repeat myself in order to make sure you're paying attention to the class, you fat duck?! Now since you disrespected me like you love to do, you're going to have to do it even though you're an assistant and not a student. Honestly, you remind me so much of Will because you look like him and you act like an idiot like him!

Ooh, nice moves in the air, Jackson. BUT NO! I shouldn't be complimenting you, LEAVE THE SKY AT ONCE! (BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!)


Sorry if I blasted you right into Stephanie and some--- WHO THE BOOBEEP-DAMN IS THAT?! GET HIM OUT AT ONCE! AND NO FOOD ALLOWED! ONLY I CAN EAT DURING CLASS, HOW MANY TIMES DOES THAT NEED TO BE MENTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONED?! Okay, I see you guys can't cooperate in the moment. You want to do this the easy way or the hard way? I'm taking out my whip right now and that is the hard way. The easy way is listening to me and doing things the right way. Flying is very important to know because you're not always going to be able to save yourself from disasters by running or driving away. Also, respect me, because no other school in the whole wide world teaches flying except SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! We have so many fun subjects and you guys are humiliating me and disrespecting me, please stop. Now get your butts moving because we have another class coming up after this one! SHUP-SHUP!