THERE SHE IS! All her bruises and cuts healed so IT'S FINE!
Oh, you're ready? Guys, RAPUNZEL, after EVERYTHING she went through she still wants to do the Flying Class and PLUS, she forgives me for beating her up in the chamber, so yeah, take THAT into account! What about YOU, guys? The ones who have never experienced it? Are YOU ready?
Oh yeah, sorry about that Daniel. Hey Rapunzel, you missed a lot when you got dragged away to the torture chamber I forgot to tell you that Daniel accidentally got in the way of the Yeti, which freed itself somehow, don't ask me because I don't know, and so it beat him up and gave him a black eye. Luckily I was there in time to rescue his life as I pushed a stupid worthless assistant in front of him and sacrificed them to the Yeti who ate them instead! Aren't I a complete GENIUS? If it wasn't for me, Daniel would have probably been eaten by the Yeti and that stupid-ass assistant would have made it, UGH! I'm so glad it was the other way around! Well, at least all you got was a black eye, Daniel. See? You guys are always complaining about how I am an abusive, scary, horrific teacher who beats you up for "minor" things, ugh, I hate the way you guys put it, "minor", as if it IS "minor", which it's not, you guys fail me daily. But anyway, you never think about how if it wasn't for me you guys would all be dead right now. I'M your savior, I'm the one who is your protector. Also, I shot the Yeti and that's the end of him. So don't expect to see him again because you won't, he's resting in peace. He deserved it, he was an asshole. Especially to ME of all people! I mean, I didn't even DO anything to him! All I did was trespass into his cave and shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and capture him and drag him all the way to SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD and then chained him up! Like why would he even be the least bit MAD at me? I don't understand, I am as NICE as a teacher can COME! And also, after I accidentally locked Miguel in the room with the Yeti I still don't know where he is so don't ask, we'll go on a trek to find him later, hopefully he's still in one piece. And if you notice that I have less assistants then usual it's because while the Yeti was rampaging around the school it ate like 50 assistants that got in its way. That's probably why I found so many mutilated body remains in the Yeti's belly when I dissected it, also we're not going to talk about that. And because I devoted myself to 3 years in college to the art of taxidermy, I used my wonderful skills to stuff the Yeti and display it in my office. Safe to say the Yeti legend is on hold now, and so those poor Himalayan people have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. There was a bunch of cases of people getting eaten, but because of my amazing self, I STOPPED IT ALL! HAH! Also, Daniel, get ready because that won't be the only black eye you'll receive today, sorry. It's Flying Class so you can expect to not master the art of flying your first time and end up on the ground bleeding after you jump off the cliff---OH YEAH, that's right. We will ALL be taking turns jumping off the big-ass cliff I have on the school grounds and NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!!!!!!! Alright, I can see we all agree without hesitation and are ALL okay with that.
EXCUSE ME?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD, YOUNG MAN?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALRIGHT THEN, BECAUSE YOU EXPRESSED SUCH A HIGH OPINION OF MY SCHOOL, THEN YOU HAVE EARNED YOURSELF FIRST PLACE TO JUMP OFF THE CLIFF! AND ALSO, I SEE YOU LAUGHING BACK THERE, JOHNNY! DON'T THINK I DIDN'T CATCH YOU! YOU'RE NEXT! Haha! I love making people terrified. It makes me SO happy! Let's all go outside. Okay, so here's the cliff!
Oh yeah, I can see Daniel, Johnny, and an assistant already standing on the edge of the cliff. Okay, so now that we're all listening, we're going to go over the essential question that Flying Class revolves around: why do we need to learn how to fly? Can anyone answer that question?
You're absolutely correct, Yue! That IS why we need to learn how to fly. So basically, what Yue just said was that we need to learn how to fly just in case we're ever being chased by bandits and we come to a cliff and we are at a dead end. Are you going to let those bandits get you and rip you apart? No you're not. You are going to muster up all your courage and faith and jump off that cliff, and send yourself flying into infinity and beyond! And THAT'S how you'll outrun your enemy! In fact, there's an important saying that I always say, it's this: he who turns and runs away, can steal the treasure ANOTHER DAY! Okay, Daniel, you're up. I'll start teaching specific flying positions AFTER I see how you do on the first try. I have to see what level of flying you guys are on first before I actually teach you the different flying positions. Go ahead, Daniel, jump! We're all waiting for you!
COME ON! Don't STALL! Stop trying to measure how high up we are! I can obviously see you're not ready for this because you've never done it before. Well then, I'm just going to have to do it for you. By me, I mean Johnny. Johnny, push him off!
PUSH! There, Johnny pushed you.
LOOK AT HIM TRIPPING AND FALLING OFF! GOOD JOB, DANIEL! DON'T FALL! LET YOURSELF FLY! THINK OF A HAPPY THOUGHT! ANY LITTLE HAPPY THOOOOOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!!! Oh no, guys, I think Daniel landed on a piece of land instead of the water. EESH! SORRY! Actually, what am I saying? I'm not sorry AT ALL!
Look, even my assistant Mr. Miyagi went all the way down there to help him up. It's okay, Daniel, it was your first time. I would tell you to walk it off but at this point it seems hopeless for you. Sorry that I commanded Johnny to push you off, actually I'm not sorry, you deserved it. You disrespected me by saying that SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD sucked so now this is what you get. Alright, who would like to go next?
Don't look at FLYNN, Rapunzel. You're going NEXT! Everyone, blondie is going next! But you can't use your hair, THAT'S CHEATING AND IF YOU DO THAT I'LL BEAT YOU UP!
RAPUNZEL! YOU CHEATED! Because you did that, you'll receive a punishment just like Daniel did. Johnny, push her off too! PUSH!
RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL--- Oh, too late. You didn't embrace a happy thought like I told you to! None of you are doing that! I would demonstrate but, um, I have to eat a snack right now so I can't, plus I need to lecture. Okay, who wants to go next?
HEY! Samantha, I see you trying to make Miguel the center of attention, oh by the way he came back out of nowhere, but its alright. Anyway, because you tried to sneak out of this one, Johnny is going to push you off the cliff as well! This time I want to see some improvement, not just falling flat on the ground and breaking something! At least float in the air like a bird for a few seconds that's all I'm asking for! Go, Johnny, push her off!
YES! JOHNNY! Also she doesn't know it, but I'm going to cut that rope right now! SNAP! There we go, she just needed a boost of confidence and now that she jumped I can cut the rope. I know that you guys will survive because I used to do this all the time with my older students, SO, YOU CAN DO IT TOO! SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!! Ooooooh. Sam! You okay?
It's okay. Thank you for telling my assistant as well that you are fine. Alright, so I'm going to get Mike over here to demonstrate to you guys how it's actually done because he's been here before you and has already experienced it. MIIIIIKE! Also I brought him back with the Lazarus, he still has a little scar over his heart where they ripped it out during the sacrificial procession but it's nothing a little stitches can't fix. MIKE! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, YOU DOUCHE! Oh there he is!
Yes, it's MIKE that's going to jump off and don't try to stop it, Eleven! Also, assistant, stop pointing that stupid toy at them and let me get the job done here! Come here, Mike, I'm pushing you off. PUSH! Okay he fell off. Let's all watch, okay, ladies and gentlemen?
See, guys? See how he's slowly slowing down while he's falling? He is gaining the confidence and faith and happy thoughts to stay floating in the air! Thanks for always WILLINGLY volunteering to be my guinea pig, Mike! Now I know I can always trust you to be FIRST and get HURT! Okay, so now that all of us have jumped off the cliff and gotten a taste of what real pain feels like, we can all dry ourselves off and listen to my lecture.
So, there are many different ways to fly. The very basic one which is a free-fly, which means you can fly however you want: waving your arms around, kicking, doing whatever makes you feel comfortable or natural while you're up there in the sky. That is called the Wendiyo. This is how it looks.
My stupid assistant is demonstrating it for you. Now here is the Plie, the flight position that is used if you want to get away really fast from your enemies if they can fly as well. The Plie is very hard to master and you will need a lot of practice to master it, I'm just being honest. And with the way class was going today with all of you falling and having absolutely no faith and breaking your bones makes me have no hope in you guys. So, it will take a REALLY long time for you to master it. Alright, assistant, show us how to do the Plie. Pronounced - (PLEE-EH). The Plie is a very difficult flying position to master. All the requirements to do it perfectly are: stand straight and tall, legs straight, arms straight down, and chin up. Here is a diagram of it.
Alright, and then there is the Releve. Pronounced (REH-LEAVE). Basically it's pronounced like 'relieve'. The Releve is a crazy position, not as crazy as the Wendiyo, which we will eventually get to. This Releve allows you to fly away fast as nuts! This is the position for it: arms apart, legs together, stand up straight, and chin forward not up, REMEMBER THAT! It's kinda like the cross, that will help you remember. Okay, here is the diagram.
Alright, we will learn a new flying position NEXT CLASS called the Scorch and after that we will have a small quiz where you have to remember every flying position I taught you. GOT IT? Alright. So, who would like to try and demonstrate the Plie for the class?
Oh look, Alex is stretching and warming up to get ready and do the Plie. Are you ready, Alex?
Come on, it's not that bad. All you have to do is jump off the cliff, not break a bone this time, and just fly in a straight position like you're supposed to. Trust me, with THIS muscle memory you guys will DEFINITELY remember which position is which on my quiz next class! Alright, if you don't go, I'm counting to 10, actually 5. 1, 3----
Excuse me, Olaf? Are you telling me that I'm skipping NUMBERS when I count? For trying to me make look like a stupid-ass who misses numbers when they're counting which I'm clearly not, YOU will go first instead of Alex! SMACK! Okay, I pushed him off the cliff. SHOW US THE PLIE, OLAF!
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WATCH HIM FALL, GUYS! That'll teach him not to mess with the BOSS!
STOP CRYING! Olaf DESERVED what he got! He was CHALLENGING my authority and he needed to be punished and put in his place! Alright, since Olaf has not been heard of and I haven't heard a groan, I will send Alex next.
Oh please, no it won't. Alex will be FINE! Stop crying like a complete IDIOT! Also, you're next for crying like a drama queen.
Don't start hyperventilating, you had it coming, honey. Alright, Alex, GO!
Because you're sitting there like a stupid-ass and not obeying my commands I am going to have Johnny grab you and push you off. Johnny, push her off like always!
I can see you're enjoying pushing people off the cliff. Honestly, me too, I LOVE hurting people! I hope Alex hurts herself so she learns her lesson, and don't worry, you can all go to the infirmary after this. Go, Johnny, PUSH HER! GO! PUSH! Alright, he pushed Alex off. I can see her falling and screaming like a complete WUSS!
HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! ALEX IS FALLING OFF LIKE A COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG!!!!!! I love this! Alex, you okay? SMAAAAAAASH!!!!!! Nah, she's not. Whatever, I don't care, this class is over. Someone get me a DRIPPING CHOCOLATE fudge sundae!
Thank you assistant for putting it there for me, that's your hand right there next to my sundae. GET OUT! Okay, he ran away before I even said it. Hey, Johnny, go help Alex out of that ditch and take her to the infirmary, she looks mostly dead to me, but I think she'll be fine. If the Lazarus is needed, you can find it by taking a left and going to the Room of Requirements. Got it, Johnny? Okay, so CLASS IS OVER! Everyone's fine, right?
Oh please! Look at you guys hugging each other to make yourselves feel better after having a rush of adrenaline and pain after jumping off the cliff! YOU GUYS ARE SUCH PUSSIES, STOP HUGGING EACH OTHER THIS INSTANT AND STOP CRYING! CLASS DISMISSED! TEACHER OUT!
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