Pet Class!

Hey, so I decided, why not have a Bring-Your-Pet-To-Class? SO THAT'S WHAT I MOTHERFREAKING DID! Also, I have two new students I want to introduce, they are Zuko's friends, so RESPECT THEM! Anyways, I can't wait to show you guys MY pet that I brought. She's AWESOME. Just wait. She's more amazing than the goddamn Yeti who was a disappointment and a clear piece of shit in everyone's eyes and more amazing than that forsaken Cthulhu that had SUCH a temper! ALRIGHT EVERYONE! SHOW ME YOUR GODDAMN PETS!

Ooooooh! Pascal looks so cute in that dress you sewed for him, Rapunzel! See? Rapunzel is taking her sewing class skills and APPLYING them to PET CLASS! What a prodigy! The rest of you SUCK-ASS! Okay, NEXT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S SO FREAKING CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT, I MIGHT COLLAPSE RIGHT HERE AND DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOT-ASS ZUKO HOLDING A CUTE-ASS PUPPY, IT'S ALMOST TOO MUCH TO SUSTAIN MY LIFE FORCE!!!! STOP IT, GO AWAY, I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! SOMEONE GET ME A HUGE CHOCOLATE FLURRICANE RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW BEFORE I KILL SOMEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the FUCK is THAT?! Who brought me this complete and utter TRAVESTY?! Look at ME, assistant. Does that bland-ass piece of ultimate SHIT look like something I would put into my eating hole? NO! IT DEGRADES ME! Well, I WOULD eat it, BUT WHEN I SAID CHOCOLATE FUDGE FLURRICANE I MEANT SOMETHING THAT WOULD DROWN THIS SCHOOL IN MOTHERFUCKING FUDGING CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW MOVE YOUR FORSAKEN ASS AND GET ME SOMETHING WORTH EATING BEFORE I WHIP YOU SO HARD YOUR SKELETON FLIES OUT OF YOUR CORPSE!!!!!!!!!! WHOO! Sorry about that, guys, my temper tantrums happen every now and then. You'll just have to fucking get used to it just like all my other old students did.

WHO'S PUPPY IS THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO GODDAMN CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!! MOTHER OF GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT?! This beautiful 24-karat-gold-worth-of-ultimate-cuteness belongs to YOU?! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE?! No, NO! I can't take it. No, I WON'T take it! Sorry, Olaf, but I'm giving it to someone who's worth of its cuteness, which is ME.

What? He's a complete piece of SHIT that does not deserve this sweet puppy! If anything, YOU should have it, Rapunzel. There, go ahead, pet it.

SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!!!! RAPUNZEL, ISN'T IT SO CUTE?! Does she have a name, Olaf? Actually you know what? I want to name it. Her name is Fatty Pie. There. It's been done. Over. There's no turning back and calling it Ben or something horrendously bland like that. Okay, sorry, Olaf. I feel bad taking this puppy from you, I'm sorry, you can have it back. I realized that Fatty Pie melted my heart and I want to give her back to you. Sorry, Olaf, please forgive me.

Good. Thank you for forgiving me. Remember this important lesson we learned today, guys: I, the Teacher, am not that evil. I would never steal your beloved puppy from you. OKAY! Continuing! Let me introduce my BELOVED two new students that ZUKO is friends with who have trekked all the way from the rural farms of India all the way to SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD with ME! Rajit and William! WELCOOOOOME!!!!!

I know, right? Like I always say, it's the BEST FEELING EVER to be at SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD!

Yeah, this is William. He's frozen as FUCK because of how ultimately excited he is to be at SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! But honestly, don't tell him I said this, but I think he's hot as HELL and I'm going to go after him. Also, I would like to say--- huh? What are you looking at William?

WHOO, YEAH! I think I'm seeing something going on here. William, I think you're settling in on a crop that's already been harvested. Okay, sorry, HORRIBLE metaphor! What I meant to say was, William, I know you're in love with Rapunzel but Flynn has already settled in on her even though Olaf already settled in on her WAY before. Rapunzel, I'm sorry, I know it must be freaking you out that so many men are after you, BUT DEAL WITH IT! You know what? I think I actually ship you and William. Sorry, Olaf. I know it must be brutal to see so many guys hit on your girl. Rapunzel, what do you think about all of this?

I'm sorry, but you can't stop William from being in love with you. It's like asking a mountain to bow down to the howling wind. Yeah, I fucking copied that from Mulan, don't ATTACK ME! Anyways, you WILL respect William or I will force you to kiss him, END. OF. STORY! NO QUESTIONS ASKED! Now, let me show you all MY PET!

YEAH! That's right! I have a motherfucking TROLL, BABY! I called her Makunga. AND YES IT'S A GIRL! How dare you genderize this troll before even LETTING her explain herself? And yes, she has an opinion of her own as well and can even form sentences. Look at her go! She's trying to tell your ass off! I can't believe you tried to drop a gender on her like that and just go ahead and assume that she is the typical cisgender male you think every creature should be! You know, because you disrespected Makunga, first I will give you an ultimate beating and then you have to clean all the classrooms in SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! Keep talking and I'll add a DEADLINE! Okay, now that we're all cooled off, let's continue. Makunga is OBVIOUSLY the winner here. Just kidding, she's a fugly-ass, no offense, and I think all animals are equally cute, so, yeah, there's no fucking winner here, PEOPLE! Also, I ALMOST FORGOT! I have three other students to introduce!

This is Princess Eilonwy! She's so happy to be here! Also, this is her completely WORTHLESS fiancee, Smee!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!!!!! UGH! I CAN'T BREATHE! So gross! Also, this is Prince Aladdin. He flew in here on his magic carpet and has a thing for Eilonwy, he digs her and doesn't give 2 shits that Smee is engaged to her.

Okay, Aladdin, OKAY! We don't need Smee to hear all the lovely shit you're saying about his fiancee. Anyways, sorry, Eilonwy, but Aladdin wants you and there's no way out of it.


She DOESN'T LIKE you, Aladdin! STOP TRYING TO SWOON HER YOU ASSHOLE! STOOOOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, continuing with class! Oh hi, Willie and Maharajah and Indy! What are you assholes here for? Oh, you have pets you want to show? Okay, then, bring it on!

What's wrong, Willie? Who are you snapping at?

Ooooh! Rajit is in LOVE with you! And you don't like it! Perfect concoction we have here today, people. My two new students have already claimed women who have been claimed several times already, and they're both blondes. You know, you Indian guys seem to have a thing for blonde white women. HAH! That's funny.

HEY, HEEEEEEEEEEY! WILLIE! WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST SLAM THE DOOR ON RAJIT LIKE THAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU ARE SO GODDAMN DISRESPECTFUL! COME HERE RIGHT NOW AND KISS HIM!

Whoops! She fainted. Whatever, I don't give five fucking shits. Rajit, give her CPR, and kiss her when she wakes up so she learns her goddamn motherfucking LESSON! Willie and Rapunzel will have to learn godforsaken RESPECT and that will be through acknowledging the love Rajit and William have for them by laying one on them both! ALRIGHT! BACK TO THE SHOWING OFF PETS!
Mackenzie, oh my LORD! Your puppy is so cuuuuuute! Mackenzie says her name is Chewy Dewy!

Diana, let me see your pet!

SUCH A CUTE FRENCHIEEEEEE!!!! Diana says her name is French Tart Shubi!
OOOOOOH! COLLINS HAS A BLACK PIGLET BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE'S TICKLING IIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!! Collins says her piglet's name is Mumu Chubby. OOOOH! LOOK AT YUE'S KITTEN!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEH!!! OH SHE HAS ANOTHER ONE TOO!
IT LOOKS SO SCARED! Probably of you. NEXT!

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! It's cute. BUT WHO BROUGHT THAT HERE?! THAT THING ALMOST TOOK A CHUNK OUT OF ME! SPEAK UP, ASSHOLE!

You? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU??????!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT! I ABSOLUTELY KNEEEEEEEEW IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course it was you, who else would be as dumb as YOU to bring a dangerous-ass, life-threatening animal into my school? YOU obviously did that to END ME! OR ZUKO! AND FOR THAT! HERE COMES, DETENTION! NO! TORTURE CHAMBER! OFF YOU GO! And I'll kindly release your poor pet back into the wild because this is SO OBVIOUSLY LAST MINUTE! You probably stole it from my jungle in SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD's backyard, you asshole douche bag! Ugh, off with him! God, can't even find a decent pet to go along with his fugly-ass presence.
GUARD! WHAT A CUTE BIRDY!!!!!! I dare say it competes with your hot looks---WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING????!!!! I meant, nice bird. CUTIE!

GUUUUUUUUUUUARD!!!!! IT'S SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S CHIRPING, DAAAAAAAA, I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!!

IT'S AN ELEPHAAAAAANT!!!! OH MY GOD, KERMY, THIS IS SUCH A CUTE BABY ELEPHANT! LOOK AT IT ALREADY TAKING A BATH IN SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD'S WATERS!!!!! SO, FREAKING, CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALRIGHT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I MIGHT GET AN ANEURYSM! CLASS OVER! TEACHER OUT!