What's up, you guys!

So, I bet you all are watching the Olympics. It's great, isn't it? Well, we just so happen to have a new student who is a professional figure skater, and she goes to the Olympics! Her name is Alina Zagitova, and here she is, ladies and gentlemen!

Wow, that's amazing! I bet she could show us some tricks. She has a fiancee, but he's not here in the moment. His name is Iforc Saunders. He unfortunately couldn't make it, but someone else followed Alina here. His name is Red Gerard, but he's not going to show himself either. He can't. I kicked him out of SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD after he tried to harass Alina. We also have Malu Trevejo.
 Hey Malu, what's up? I see you're excited to be here. She is also being stalked by someone named Bill Skarsgard. Here he is, people.

YAAAAA!!!!!! LOOK AT HIM WINKING AT HER SO CREEPILY! LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU LUDE CRUDE RUDE BAG OF PRE-CHEWED FOOD DUDE! Next up, we also have Abigail Chase. Do you like this school, Abigail?

That's good to know. We also have another student, and his name is Nicholas Cage. Apparently, him and Abigail are dating.

I don't know why on Earth she's dating him. Look how ugly he is! She should be with our new student, T'challa Boseman. He is prince of Wakanda, and I think he has a thing for Abigail.

Look, he's coming in for a hug. I think he's trying to get Abigail to hug him.

Abigail Chase, get back here right this second! You are being extremely rude for no reason. T'challa is trying to be nice and friendly, and this is how you repay him?! By hiding from him like he's some kind of dangerous animal?! Come back here right this second and kiss him. I demand you to. And there shall be no butts, even if Nicholas doesn't want that.
 He looks ready for that kiss, doesn't he, Abigail?

ABIGAIL, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU ALMOST SHOT HIM!

Yeah, that's right! You better cry! Apologize to T'challa right now! I can't believe you would even do such a thing. People are always disobeying my rule of how only I can be the one to kill my assistants and possibly my students! Now, let's continue with introducing our students. This is Luna.
 What's wrong, Luna? What do you need to talk about with me? What's that? You say you don't want me to introduce my cousin's nephew's aunt's grandfather's alcoholic brother's ugly sister's obese niece's crazy neighbor's ugly-ass mother's sick son's aunt by the third time's nephew's brother, Wyatt? Why not? He's a good person, and he's gotten very good grades at the past schools he's went to. Stop being so rude, Luna. Honestly, what is wrong with the girls in this school?
 Hey there, Wyatt. I'm sorry about all the ruckus we had right there. Luna is being a total meanie. Just ignore her, all the girls are like that here to the good-looking boys. We also happen to have a student named Loren Gray, who likes to dance a lot.
 Aw, look how happy she is to be here! I'm not even gonna get you started on the long and confusing story of how she's related to me through extreme confusion and family-neighbor-unrelated-family shit. She happens to have a secret admirer who hasn't revealed themselves yet. She first got a contact from the admirer today, since it is Valentine's day. Yep, that's right! It is! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! And to celebrate, I am going to eat a whole big heart doughnut.
NOM-NOM-NOM! THIS IS SO FREAKIN' DELICIOUS! I just want to have a bunch more and ignore my stupid students and go into a dream world of my own where I can eat all I want---ALRIGHT! I have to stop talking about food. Now, I should finish introducing my students. I also have another student who figure skates, and her name is Yevgenia Medvedeva. Here she is, guys!

Hey, Yevgenia. She also wants us to know that we can call her Evgenia, because that's how it is written in English. She happens to be Russian, and so is Alina. Yevgenia has a fiancee, and his name is Lurtz.


SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I SAID SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I know Lurtz is an Uruk-Hai, but he is tamed. I know he tried to attack us last time, but he is redeemed now. Yevgenia tamed him and fell in love with him, so they are engaged now. We also happen to have another snowboarder who came here for Yevgenia. His name is Torin Yater-Wallace.
 Who are you talking about? YEVGENIA?! OH MY GOD, YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?! HAH, DID YOU HEAR THAT, YEVGENIA?! HE FRIGGIN' LIKES YOU!
 STOP IGNORING ME! I KNOW YOU HEARD ME, YOU STUPID GIRL! Ugh, and because you were so rude, you ruined my diet. Now I have to order me some food! ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW?!
 Hi there, ugly. After you serve me, I'm going to kill you. Now, I want you to give me some food. I want a slice of tres leches cake, a sundae, a chocolate tiramisu fudge cake with raspberries, pink cupcakes, donuts, and a tall cup of chocolate milk with a frothy white top and a dollop of whipped cream. GIVE ME MY ORDER, YOU STUPID DUMB CRAP-FILLED BRAIN TURD-ASS IDIOT LOOPY ASS!
 That's my assistant's hand there, cutting the cake for me. STOP TOUCHING IT WITH YOUR POOPY HANDS, YOU DUNG-ASS!


  
 YUM! SO FRIGGIN' TASTY, MAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!! JESUS FELL ON DAVID, WHO TRIPPED OVER GOD AND MADE HIM DROP A TURD ON JOSEPH! THIS IS SO TASTY!!!!! I love food so much. Now, let's continue introducing people. This is Monica Bellucci, my good student and distantly related half-removed niece.

Hello, Monica. You're mind seems to be on something. What are you thinking about? WHAT WAS THAT?! You say you also have a fiancee? Wow, my students must be older than I thought they were! His name is Greg Heffley.
 LOOK AT THIS IDIOT! He's so stupid. He just dropped that stupid diary that he's reading about Franklin D. Roosevelt. You stupid dumb-ass, it's not class time yet! You are being so---

WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, JUST THINKING YOU CAN FLY IN LIKE THAT AND INTERRUPT ME?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY STUDENTS, YOU IDIOT!

WHAT IS IT?! WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!
 NO, YOU LEAVE MONICA BE! ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT TWO BOYS ARE AFTER MY GIRL STUDENTS?! Monica already has a fiancee, you idiot. And besides, who the dump are you?!

 What? So you say your name is Poe Dameron, and that those two are Finn and Rey, your friends? Hmm, interesting. Why have you come to SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD? Do you want to join?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! AVERT YOUR EYES FROM MONICA'S BOOBS RIGHT AWAY, SIR! YOU ARE BEING MOST DISRESPECTFUL! Now, we still have some more students to introduce. There's Jasmine Agrabah, who happens to be my --- you know, I'm not gonna bore you with the monotony of my confusing family branches. Anyway, she is an exchange student from Arabia. She came with her boyfriend, Aladdin. Here she is.

Hello, Jasmine. You seem happy. She loves studying, you guys. She's a great student from what I've heard! And that is Aladdin.

Ugh! He's so ugly, Jasmine. How can you even consider dating that ugly-ass?

How dare me?! I'm only telling you how I feel about your taste of guys. And you can't get mad at me, because he's ugly, man. Everyone has to agree with me. And this is my cousin's disturbed aunt's crazy grandfather's ugly grandson's alcoholic mother's sick nephew's gross son's son, Alpha.

What is it, Alpha? What's caught your eye?

Jasmine?! You gotta be kidding me, Alpha. Out of all the girls in this school, you choose the one who is off-limits and already has a boyfriend for herself? Why couldn't you just have gone with someone like Anna Bearbeitet? She's pretty, and she doesn't have anyone for herself. Kristoff dumped her.

Woopsy-daisy! Looks like Aladdin isn't very happy that you have a crush on Jasmine, Alpha. I told you it wasn't such a good idea. Aladdin, quit it. Jasmine might be your girlfriend, but that doesn't restrict other guys from having a crush on her. You can't stop someone's feelings, okay?

Oh Jasmine, don't be telling me now that you don't like Alpha back and that you think he's a stupid creep who doesn't deserve you. He's the nicest guy you can possibly find. I know you're mad about this, but it isn't his fault. It's like if you tried to stop me from eating cake, I wouldn't like that. In fact, I would kill you if you tried to stop me. But that's not the point here. The point is, someone can hold in their feelings, but they can't get rid of them. That's something you'll eventually have to learn.


Jasmine, yes. You will have to learn that, no matter how much you dislike Alpha. It's life, girl. So get the hell with it. Alpha is a nice boy and there's no reason to hurt him just because you disapprove of his crush on you. I mean, Legolas didn't disapprove of my crush on him. WHAT?! COUGH! COUGH! I DID NOT SAY THAT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD I SAID! JUST FORGET I EVER SAID ANYTHING! 
Jasmine, I swear. If you don't keep your mouth shut, I'll force you to break up with Aladdin and be with Alpha.

Okay then, don't act like that and don't give me attitude. Students who gave me attitude in the past were known to get murdered by me. You don't want to end up like them.

See? He's so responsible. Look at him, already studying and reading the books he's supposed to read. I don't ever want you to be mean to him again, Jasmine. AM I UNDERSTOOD?! Okay. So guys, that's it for today. Bye!