Monday, February 12, 2018

Guess who's finally back?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY GUYS! LONG TIME NO SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it's already been a week since I left for my Upcoming Valentine's Day/Superbowl/Winter Olympics Celebration Vacation! It's crazy, really! Wait a poop, you didn't KNOW about my vacation? I thought you KNEW. Well, whatever, you're stupid and I've learned to live with it. Anyways, I went to all these amazing places, even more than last time! One of them was Armenia, beautiful place it is. I actually picked up my cousin's autistic kid's doctor's nurse's mailman's acquaintance's traumatized ex-wife's grandma's bingo friend's step-daughter's niece's long-distance half-sister when I went there! She's Armenian and I told her all about SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD and she is excited than ever to come! Guess what her name is? Guess, GUESS! KOURTNEY KARDASHIAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!! YES! Here she comes, ladies and gentlemen, Kourtney!   
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Sorry guys, she's confused. I didn't exactly tell her how we were related in that whole process and now she has no idea. I also brought my extremely distantly related Mestizo niece from Mexico when I ventured to Cancun for a beachy feeling that day. Welcome Cierra Ramirez! 
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Isn't she just amazing? I found her and explained to her that she could come too, and so she came. What, Cierra? What are you trying to tell us? Wait guys, shush! Cierra is trying to me something.
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You want me to make sure that a certain someone you saw roaming around Cancun and always spying on you and made you uncomfortable doesn't come into SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD? Okay, I can try to guarantee that. But I'm not so sure who you are talking about, though. If I don't know who it is I can't help you. But anyway, continuing. Cierra also brought her loved boyfriend of hers, Bernard the Elf. I doubt you guys haven't heard of him, he is also here to help decorate and get SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD ready for Christmas. 
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Ugh, he's ugly. Cierra really has bad taste. Don't tell her I said that! 
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Yes you have you stupidass! Don't talk to me like you know things! UGH! I hate when people talk smartass to me, I'M THE FREAKING GODDAMN TEACHER HERE! 
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This is also Kourtney's boyfriend, Curtis. Ugly too, right? Honestly, these girls and their bad taste. . .
Well anyway, Kourtney was also telling me about how there was this creep in Armenia called Charlie who was always staring at her and mysteriously following her around. She called the cops at one point but they arrested Curtis for some reason and not Charlie, it took two weeks to get him out of jail. Also, Curtis says Charlie is the son of Santa Claus and that Kourtney doesn't have to be afraid of him and that he is nice. But me and Kourtney are not so sure about that. Anyway, now let me show you some photos I took of my vacation spots. This is my snowy wildlife resort ALL to myself, no cities or man-made stuff whatsoever. Just wildlife. Except for my cute cottage, though. Look! 
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This is it. Isn't beautiful? And this is how it looks in the morning.
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And this is how it looks inside.
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Nice, EEEEEEEEH?! Oh, can someone please bring my pastillas please? If you don't know what that means then that means you weren't studying while I was gone, and if you weren't studying while I was gone I'll put you in the chokey, and if I'll put you in the chokey that means you'll die, and if you'll die that means. . . . . . .well that means I won't care and everything will go on normal and everybody will act like you never even existed. HAH! JUST KIDDING! What? You're crying? You're offended? WELL TOUGH UP, ASSHOLE! THIS IS SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD AND I DON'T! ABSOLUTELY DON'T! TOLERATE SISSY SHIT-CRAP-POOP-DUNG CODSWALLOP FROM ASSHOLE NINNIES LIKE YOU! Sorry, so sorry. Well anyway, I don't have time to show you all of my pictures because first of all you don't deserve to see them and second, we have a LOT of new students ready to join! Get ready, for since the Winter Olympics have begun, I HAVE A NEW STUDENTS THAT ARE FIGURE SKATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember Meagan Duhamel? The little short figure skater that arrived at SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD all those years back? Well, since the Winter Olympics are back again, she decided to invite her best friends! And one of them is. . . . .(drum roll). . . . .ANNA CAPPELLINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Isn't she so pretty? She's my great grand aunt's friend who is in a coma's daughter's niece's friend's neighbor's half-sister's obese diabetic grandpa's adopted crazy son who is in an asylum's ex-wive's youngest daughter's drunken brother's retarded nephew's fat frenemy's sick autistic grandma's caretaker's Olympic figure skater daughter's cousin's friend's niece. Yeah, I know, "how the hell is she even related to me in the first place"? Well my friend, READ BETWEEN THE LINES! Sorry about that rude gesture there. Anyway, and that stupid guy next to her making that stupid face is a stupid demented crazy obsessed stalker called Luca Lanotte. I absolutely HATE HIM! I mean, the guy actually tried to break into her house one time! That's sick, man! SICK! Okay, continuing. This is her fiancee that she is getting ready to marry in three months. They're already planning their wedding, I personally think it's gross and he's WAY too old for her. Here he comes. Welcome Mister Louis De Funes!
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Look at that idiot, just making that stupid face and looking around so despicabley and not even trying to greet me. HEY STUPID-ASS! SHOW SOME RESPECT TO YOUR NEW TEACHER! THAT'S RIGHT, I'M THE TEACHER, BRO! UH-HUH!
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WHAT THE---- Look at what a STUPID he is, trying to hide from me under those sheets. GET THE HELL OUT FROM UNDER THERE YOU CONSTIPATED CACASON FREAK! I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SATIN'S DUNG SHIT POOP DROPPING TOILET HELM-RIDDLE SUCK NAVEL CRAPOL------
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What? What? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! GET AWAY FROM HER YOU STUPID LYING SPYING PRYING ULTRA PIG! GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU PUT THOSE FILTHY SAUSAGES ON MY GREAT GRAND AUNT'S FRIEND WHO IS IN A COMA'S DAUGHTER'S NIECE'S FRIEND'S NEIGHBOR'S HALF-SISTER'S OBESE DIABETIC GRANDPA'S ADOPTED CRAZY SON WHO IS IN AN ASYLUM'S EX-WIVE'S YOUNGEST DAUGHTER'S DRUNKEN BROTHER'S RETARDED NEPHEW'S FAT FRENEMY'S SICK AUTISTIC GRANDMA'S CARETAKER'S OLYMPIC FIGURE SKATER DAUGHTER'S COUSIN'S FRIEND'S NIECE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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LOOK! Even LOUIS is freaking out about you moving in on his girl! CALL THE POLICE! CALL THE POLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE---------
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! MY HEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO IN THE FRIGGIN' DUMP-DAMN ASS BAZOOKA DID THAT TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE?!!!!!!!!!! SHOW YOURSEEEEEEEEEEEEELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What? Who the hell is THIS? AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FROZEN AND NOT MOVING YOU HEPATITIS-INFECTED CREEPY?! Oh no, I can see by that creepy-ass frozen expression on his face that he is here for Anna too, OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no, and he seems to have brought. . . .A TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! IT'S THAT CREEPY-ASS MONSTER GUY THAT CIERRA WARNED US ABOUT! IT'S HIM, IT'S THE VAMPIRE TOM HOLLAND! HE IS EVEN COVERING HIS MOUTH SO NO ONE SEES HIS FANGS! STAND BACK, PREDATOR! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE MY DISTANTLY RELATED MEXISTIZO NIECE!
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Why are you pointing that way? NO YOU CAN'T GO INTO THE DIRECTION CIERRA IS IN YOU ASSHOLE! BERNARD! HE'S TRYING TO TAKE YOUR GIRL! HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!
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Bernard. . .where exactly did you get that food from? FROM THE BAKERY?! THAT'S MY FOOD YOU BIZARE STUPID-ASS MUNG TUNG! ASSISTANT THAT IS STANDING NEXT TO BERNARD, GET HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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TOM HOLLAND IS ATTACKING HER, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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LOOK! YOU MADE CIERRA CRY! GET OUT, I REPEAT GET OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU-------------
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THUMP! Wha--- I'm blackin' out, guys, I'm blackin' oooooouuutttt. . . . . . . 

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