I know! I see my assistant there is telling you how you just used a couplet that Ogden Nash used in his work and that you READ all of his work, SPLENDID!
YOU WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, COUNT OLAF?! YOU'RE NOT HANDSOME, YOU'RE NOT TALENTED, YOU WILL MOST DEFINITELY NOT TAKE MONEY FROM MY BANK ACCOUNT OF GOLDEN GALLEONS IN GRINGOTTS, AND YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY, NOT, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDSOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU LOOK LIKE A DEFLATED FAT-ASS MOTHERSUCKING, CRINGEY-ASS, CRINGEWORTHY GOBLIN WHO SUFFERS FROM HALITOSIS AND HEPATITIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE SO CRINGEY I NEED BLEACH TO BLEACH OUT MY EYES AND EARS!!!!!!! PHEWGH! I absolutely LOVE how I can come up with the best insults and roasts on the spot! I'm the RULER of THAT! Also, last night I picked up two more students from the magical airport of battleships. The first one who is WAY more important than the next, is KRISTINA ROMANOVAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! Cheer for her guys, she's a RUSSIAN MODEL! And one of my other distantly related nieces. AHEM!
I KNOW what you're gonna say. SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD is the BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!! Thank you for letting me clear up EXACTLY how you are feeling. Isn't she just AMAZING everyone? (Cough, cough!) Who's that coughing? Definitely not ME. Oh ew, here comes her disgusting, cringeworthy, coughing-all-over-the-place-and-never-goes-to-the-medic-to-get-his-cough-checked-on, gross-ass, grossom, grotesque, makes-me-wanna-bleach-my-eyes-out, repugnant, repulsive, revolting fiancee who is a banker called Mr. Poe. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE HE COOOOOOOOOOOOOMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEACH!!!!!!!!! I NEED BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT THIS INSTAAAAAAANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRIIIIIIIIIIIINGE!!!!!!!!!
I absolutely HATE him. DESPISE him. LISTEN UP, POE! IF YOU EVEN THINK, NO, EVEN IF IT HAPPENS TO BE AN ACCIDENT, END UP COUGHING IN MY FACE, YOU'RE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, now that we've cleared up how disgusting and outlandish and SICK Mr. Poe is and how he is definitely NOT SUITED for Kristina, let's get started with class. Also, Seaweed returned from the inside of SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD'S walls. I stuffed him in one last year and then covered it up with cement because he was just pissing the hell out of me with all his stalking after Princess Fiona, so I did that and got rid of him for a year, which means he has been wandering through the insides of all of SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD's walls for a YEAR! Ugh, THAT must have been claustrophobic. Well, long story short, I was eating a HUGE bowl of unhealthy cereal one afternoon, and I heard a knock on the wall. I jumped and almost died because I choked but saved myself, that part of the story doesn't matter. I knocked back. Then whatever was inside of the wall knocked again. I got angry that it was trying to OVER-KNOCK me so I grabbed a chair and threw it at the wall in frustration as my high blood pressure burst to uncontrollable levels, and guess what happened next? The wall COMPLETELY destructed and fell apart, revealing a dusty, starving Seaweed on the inside. I know what you're thinking, and yes, I did NOT feel sorry for him at all and did NOT regret my actions in any way. He deserved it. And that's what happens when you mess with me and keep stalking my distantly related nieces. Family protects family, even if it means taking EXTREME measures. Anyways, I absolutely did NOT rush him to the hospital, took my own sweet time if you know what I mean: finished my bowl of cereal at an everyday, normal pace, then took a stroll down to the hospital and forced him to walk himself. I don't CARRY people, I don't do ANYTHING for ANYONE. Anyway, he just recovered completely yesterday and he's back on his feet. He's gonna join us today in class. Okay, that's the whole story, now you know what happened to him. What? What's that face you're giving me? He deserved it.
Ugh, I guess I have to introduce this STUPID STUDENT. I ABSOLUTELY HATE FROZEN STUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTS!!!!!!! I remember I killed the last one, Philippe, who thought it was okay to hit on Ariana, and so I killed him. Remember my motto from my previous Seaweed story: Family protects family, even if it means taking EXTREME measures. UGH! I HATE THIS FROZEN STUDENT SO MUCH, I JUST WANNA BREAK HIS FACE! I WANNA BREAK HIM EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY UNTIL HE CAN'T MOVE BECAUSE ALL THE BONES IN HIS BODY WILL BE BROKEN! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's so ugly I just wanna smash something nearby. THERE'S AN ASSISTANT! SMAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!! Okay, I threw a table at that assistant who so desperately tried to escape with their dear life and they're decapitated now. I feel SO much better now. I love killing my assistants and hurting-them-so-bad-they-will-probably-die-in-a-few-days-time. Anyways, this idiot-ass cringeworthy poopdungpile of CRAPOLA here is Peter Parker. Yes, I know we've had other Spidermans attend SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD before BUT THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT HE IS FROM ANOTHER DIMENSIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Breathing heavily) Just LISTEN for once before you ASSUME, GOD! Now I have to catch my breath all over again! JESUS CHRIST! Oh hey Gwen, nice of you to come early to class, I was just introducing this ugly-ass, mothersucking, pile of rotten poop to the class. He's ANOTHER new student and he's freaking FROZEN because of NO REASON! I JUST WANNA KILL HIM ALREADY, WHY IS NOBODY FETCHING ME A GUN?! I ABSOLUTELY HATE FROZEN PEOPLE! And no one needs to know what happened to the last one, Nu Shto. It's not like I dismembered him or something, it's not like I did that while Belle wasn't looking so she wouldn't hate me and I plan on never telling her and making up a not-HUGE-ASS-but-little-white-lie about how Nu Shto left forever on a trip with another woman because he is a seriously sick-ass CHEATER! Anyways, yeah, it's not like that happened while all of you guys were asleep and that I always secretly murder frozen people in their sleep so no one knows what happened to them the next day and I can have them out of my life forever and I can continue my happy, food-filled, waiter-assassinating life without them. Okay, back to YOU, Gwen. In his own frozen way, Peter wants to say hi.
What? WHAT?! STOP LYING! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! YOU HATE HIM MORE THAN I DO, AND HE'S STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU BECAUSE THAT IS NOT ME THERE! HOW CAN YOU ALREADY HATE HIM?! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM YET YOU STUPID WIMPY-ASS DISRESPECTFUL GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at him, he's in TEARS because of how you literally just LIED in his face right now. Poor Peter. GWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!! I OUGHTTA FLOG YOU WITH MY BIG-ASS EXTRA-LARGE WHIP I ORDERED YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS WHIPPING JULIET FOR DISRESPECTING DUNCAN RIGHT BEFORE BEDTIME! Oops, I mean, I DIDN'T do that. That's just a funny metaphor I came up with right now. And yes it IS funny, why is it NOT?! YOU'RE NEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT!!!!!!!! MY WHIP, MY WHIP, SOMEONE GIMME MY WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've had just about enough attitude from YOU! And YES, I am not talking to any of my other students, I am not talking to Gwen, I am most definitely not talking to MYSELF because that would be CRAY-CRAY, I'm talking to YOU! The person watching all this. YEAH YOU! The person who was with me from the very beginning of SHOW YOUR FOOT TO THE WORLD! All of this bad stuff that is happening is all because of YOU! YOU AND YOUR BAD KARMA! GET OUT! Actually stay, the lesson is starting. GWEN! IMMA DEAL WITH YOU LATER! RIGHT NOW YOU GET YOUR BUTT OVER THERE AND SIT NEXT TO PETER AND TREAT HIM WITH THE FROZEN RESPECT HE DESERVES OR IMMA GET MY WHIP FOR REAL THIS TIME! Besides, I ship you two and once I ship a ship that ship will never sink it will always SAIL! Oh my God, look at me everyone, ESPECIALLY Isadora, I'm a POET NOW! I CAN MAKE UP POETRY ON THE SPOT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I'M AMAZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU ALL ARE BELOW ME! MWAHWAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Okay, let's start with magical poems. So sorry I delayed the whole class by an extra-long fifteen minutes of screaming, Isadora, please forgive me, you're always such a good student, honey.
I know you're so happy, and looking at my assistant there standing in front of you is making you EVEN HAPPIER! Because that's not me like it always is not, and that's the way it will ALWAYS BE!
What is it? WHAT'S WRONG?! Oooooh, I see. Time ran out for class and you guys are definitely NOT blaming ME, because if you did your life would be at risk. Always keep in mind that I always have a secret gun with me at all times that I can use to shoot anyone who gets out of order. GOT IT?! Okay, everyone looks like they got it, obviously since they are all trembling from fear, even that frozen-ass, cringey-ass that makes me wanna kill myself! Anyway, since we couldn't do the lesson I have the enchanted poetry book here that is filled of magical poems, stories, tales, and fables of all kinds that we will read, interpret, and analyze next class for a GRADE! EEEEEEEEEEGH!!!!! Huh?
WHO THE DUMP-DAMN DARES INTERRUPT THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF MOTHERSUCKING CLAAAAAAAAAAASS???????!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE DEAD I TELL YOU, DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?! SEAWEED?! My, my, do YOU look excited to be back on your feet! And you grew a beard after being so long in those walls, oops! Not MY fault! LET'S GO, WE ONLY HAVE FREAKING 5 MINUTES AND I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO LATE I WILL BEAT YOU UP ABOUT IT LATER CAUSE WE GOTTA INTRODUCE THIS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT MAGICAL-ASS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?! Uh-oh, I think Seaweed likes KRISTINAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! WELL I SAY NO, SEAWEED, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALREADY DID THIS TO FIONA! DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO LOCK YOU UP IN THOSE WALLS AGAIN?! OR THIS TIME, MAYBE IN A CAGE DOWN IN A DEEP DARK TUNNEL????!!!!!! NO! NO I SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE'S THE BOOK EVERYONE, PAY ATTENTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't it just so absolutely BEAUTIFUL and DAINTY?! And yeah, I KNOW it only says 'Magical POETRY' but it really means poetry with a bunch of other stuff mixed in like stories and fairy tales! YOU GOT ME?! Okay it looks like you got me. So anyway, truth is I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER who the AUTHOR is, because I just found this special magical mysterious curiosity-enchanting book in a BEWARE-DO-NOT-GO-IN-HERE mausoleum crypt that had pink magical glow coming from inside of it with tempting sparkles and glitter and magic and I went in and there was a warning note written by some perhaps-creature that said: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES STEAL THIS BOOK OR EVEN TOUCH IT OR YOUR LIFE WILL BE IN DANGER AND THOSE AROUND YOU, LEAVE NOW AND NEVER LOOK BACK EVER AGAIN! FORGET ABOUT THIS PLACE FOREVER! But that's probably just some kind of a silly stupid-ass joke, AM I RIGHT?! BWAHWAHWAHWAHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'm honestly not gonna get cursed, YOU ARE! I hope you do, honestly. Anyways, this is the book we're reading next class. OKAY CLASS IS OVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm off to bed, HWAMPOAPKDOKS!!!!!! That was my yawn, DON'T JUUUUUUUUUUUDGE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and right before bed, I'm gonna eat my usual right-before-bed-to-help-me-sleep-and-have-my-stupid-assistants-tuck-me-in-who-will-die-tomorrow-if-they-do-not-tuck-me-in-the-right-way dreamy magical smooth soft delicious celestial fairy-like divine sweet sugary cherubic angelical angelic milky creamy rich drink called the Malasuya! It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. I'm just falling asleep just thinking about it. . . .
Snooooooooooooooooooooooore, snooooooooooze. . . . .
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