Mythology class

What's up, guys? How you been lately? Today, we are going to be studying Mythology. That's right. The Greek gods and all that stuff. I was lately thinking about it, and I think that'll be good. Most of us might already know the basics, but I don't care. Classes are classes. So let's start. First of all, I would like to mention something. Rosabella has lately been studying a lot and catching up on her classes. She now has straight As! And I want you guys to follow her example, because she's a really good student. But that's beside the point. Let's get on with the class! As you all may know, there are twelve Olympians. They live in Mount Olympus at the top of the world. There's Artemis, Apollo, Zeus, Poseidon, Athena, Demeter, Ares, Hermes, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Hera, and Dionysus. Who can tell me the thirteenth god that isn't part of the twelve Olympians?

You're right, Rosabella. It's Hades. He lives in the Underworld, where souls are damned for eternity. Bad ones, of course. Kinda like the Greek version of hell. So, what is the offspring of a human and a god called?

 Yes, Ashlynn. A demigod. You guys are good at this! I must say, I am surprised. I thought you guys were like dumb.

Chill, Briar. I didn't mean it, I was just joking. Jesus! People here take things too seriously. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, my lunch.

Did I say lunch? Of course not! I meant 'questions'. Not lunch. Heh! Okay! We keep getting off the point. Let's go back to what we were doing. HEY! I just realized! Cupid, your dad is Cupid. He is a Greek god, isn't he?
 So you say he's the god of desire, affection and erotic love, huh? I guess he's kinda like Aphrodite. That would be correct, since he IS her son after all. Which must ALSO mean that Aphrodite is your grandmother, Cupid. That's so cool!
 Hey, Legolas. You're late, but I don't mind. I never get mad at you. Now, let's continue ---

Legolas, pay attention. What are you looking and smiling at? Is it me? JESUS WAS RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM BECAUSE HE REALLY NEEDED TO USE IT BUT GOD WAS HOGGING IT SO HE POOPED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!!!!!! WHY DO I ALWAYS SAY THESE THINGS?! Of course it's not me. Forget I ever said that it was.

WHAT?! ASHLYNN?! YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE A THING FOR HER?! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! I JUST CANNOT!
 Legolas, you've gotta be kidding me. You're already after two girls, not to mention all the flirting you do with me. I already have Barbie and Ruby suffering from Mika and Eomer stalking them and following them around the school at all times. You know, I'm seriously gonna have to ban dating at this school for real. I mean, look at how she's screaming. Ruby has already been with someone in the past, which explains Cerise. Yeah, that's right. Cerise is Ruby's daughter. Which would mean that if Eomer ever made it with Ruby, he would be Cerise's stepfather.

It's okay, Cerise. I know it must be embarrassing for you to have such a young mother, but it's okay. You don't have to worry, Eomer will NEVER be your stepfather. I won't let him get close to Ruby.

Wait a second. I'm sensing something here. Eomer, you don't . . . by any chance . . . I don't know, like Cerise, right?

I can't believe it. I CANNOT believe it. That's it, I'm done here. Eomer, I can't do this anymore. First you go after Ruby, then you go after her daughter. You are the lowest bastard pervert down in the gutters I have ever met. You go after girls, even the ones who already have MOTHERS and the one who ARE MOTHERS! YOU COMPLETELY DISGUST ME WITH YOURSELF!!!! WITH ALL THIS! AND YES, I JUST GESTURED TO ALL OF YOU! YOU'RE DISGUSTING I SAY, DISGUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And as for you, Legolas, I can't believe you're following his example. Back then, it was okay when you occasionally smiled and flirted with Tauriel and Arwen, but now you're going for Ashlynn, and what you're doing is NOT flirting anymore. You two could not disgust me more. You are the most grotesque people I have ever MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh god, I keep yelling. I CAN'T STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED MY FREAKING PILLS RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Aragorn, I really appreciate the help. Can someone give me a glass of milk to wash this down? Actually, not a glass of milk. That's WAY too simple. How about a nice foamy extra large pina colada with a little pink umbrella, a slice of pineapple, and a maraschino cherry? Yeah, that's nice. ELIZABETH!

 Hey, niece. Thanks for coming so quickly, unlike my stupid slow uncooperative waiters. Now, can you get me a foamy pina colada, extra large, with a little pink umbrella, a slice of pinapple, and a maraschino cherry? STOP! I forgot to mention that I also want a straw.

Alright, now off you go. Nice look, by the way. Really suits you.

WHOA, BUDDY! HOLD IT THERE! Are you trying to kill Elizabeth? She's my niece, you half-baked ludicrous cockeyed pea-brain! If you shoot her, I swear I'll --- No, I can't hurt you. You're way too cute. I'm serious! You put your bow and arrow back right this INSTANT!
 See? Ashlynn is totally right. You're scaring the crap out of everyone here with that bow and arrow of yours. Just put them back and I won't have to put you in tickling detention. Mark my words, you wouldn't want that. ESPECIALLY not when you find out who's gonna have to tickle you.



NOW you're scared. Well then, don't you dare try to go after anyone again. Not in front of me, not secretly, and not EVER NEVER EVERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if you do, I will know. I have eyes everywhere. So you better take good care of your feet, mister.

Oh, my drink's here! Thanks, Elizabeth.
 Changed the hairdo, did we? Well, you always look so nice. Sorry Legolas tried to impale you with his arrow. If you're interested, we're currently learning about Mythology.

Legolas, stop it. I don't know why you have a problem with Elizabeth. She never did anything to you, and yet you do this. First you get ready to impale her with an arrow, and now you don't want her to join the class. Could you please tell me what the problem is?

Alright, fine. Don't tell me. Now could we please continue the class? Elizabeth dear, you can go now. I thoroughly apologize for the rude acts of Legolas. I don't know what's got his hair in a knot.

What the hell was that explosion in the back? Probably someone trying to break out of tickling detention. Well, I hope they know that the detention room is locked with blood magic that can only be undone by me, so that way, they can't get out no matter what they do until I say they are free to go. HAH, ISN'T THAT FUNNY?!

Yes, you're right. We should be continuing with the class here. That's why I even do these stupid classes! But then people interrupt them and ruin them for me and I don't feel like teaching them. Unfortunately for you students, this class isn't over yet. We still have a pop quiz to review what you have learned even though you barely didn't learn anything. Ooh! That's a good name for the quiz. From now on, I'll call these quizzes the review-what-you-have-learned-even-though-you-didn't-learn-any-damn-thing quizzes. What a nice name. Aren't I awesome?
 Don't you tell me I'm not awesome, Cerise. That counts as a lower grade for you. Oh yeah, guys. That's a thing now. If you insult the teacher, or in other words, ME, you shall get a lower grade for your rude attitude towards me for no absolute reason whatsoever. GOT THAT?! Okay. Now, let's begin with the pop quiz. Question 1: What is Poseidon's name in Roman mythology?

Yes Raven, that's right. Poseidon's name in Roman mythology is Neptune. That's why they called the planets in our solar system their names. They named them after Roman gods. Alright, now for the second question: From what fruit did Hades give the seeds to Persephone to convince her to come to the Underworld?
 Ruby, you are correct! Hades gave Persephone pomegranate seeds. Very good. You all are doing very good. We have three more questions. Here's question 3: What does the mark of Daedalus look like?
Is this a sketching in your notebook, Madeline?


Well then, good job. That just so does happen to be the mark of Daedalus. He designed the labyrinth, but here's question 4: who did he design it for?

King Minos? Charli, you are a mind-blower. You're good at everything. Singing, dancing, and studying, apparently! And now, for the last question, here's question 5: who is the god of the sun and light, god of music and healing?

YES! ROSABELLA, YOU ARE RIGHT! Wow, my students are so good at this. Well, I guess you guys are done. Wait for it, wait for it. . . .

CLASS IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!