Ariana, what the hell is wrong NOW?
What? You say you're worried about Enrique? Holy God, I freaking KNOW that, Ariana! Trust me, he'll be FINE! GOD! HONESTLY! Oh hey, Beck.
How ya doin'---
OH MY GOD, ARIANA! Why do you have to ACT like this? Beck is just a normal student like everyone else, just because he likes you doesn't mean you have to act like it's the end of the world! Honestly, if you don't STOP RIGHT NOW, I will FORCE you into his lips! I will, believe me, I WILL! Okay, now I want you to get over your trauma and listen. Class, we will be doing trapeze today.
Didn't you hear me? I said it the first time! God these students! Zendaya, show 'em!
Oh SHEESH! Doesn't that seem a little bit of a complicated move there, Zendaya? I think the students will fail on their first try, they might even die. HEH! Just kiddin! Maybe NOT.
GLAAAAAAAAAPOOOOOOOTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!! GET OFF THAT TRAPEZE! I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO CLIMB UP THERE TO GET HER! LEEEEEEEEEAVE HEEEEEEEER BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GEPPETTO, NO! YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THE TRAPEZE ACT, YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA FALL AND DECAPITATE YOURSELF AND THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW!
Yes, Zendaya. But Geppetto is just pure gross and failure-material. So, who wants to go?
You wanna go, Ariana? Okay, try the trapeze! But before you do, my stupid ugly assistant will show you the way to do it!
Ugh, get out of here you stupid monstrous uggo! I don't even know why I hired you! GET OUT! Okay, I'm okay now. Ariana, you saw my horrific assistant demonstrate it, now do it!
WOO! Look at Ariana go as she's being thrown around by Beck, Christina, Zendaya, Jane, and Loki. Okay, who else wants to try?
Let me guess, you want what any princess wants, and any princess wants to do trapeze.
Fiona, what the HELL?! Assistant, help her! Fiona, you can't just expect to do trapeze and then just PLOP DOWN like that.
Don't you FREAKINGDUMPFREAKINGDAMN LAUGH AT FIONA LIKE THAT, YOU COLOSSAL PILE OF DEHYDRATED ABOMINABLE HORRENDOUS POOPDUNGSATIN'SCRAPFESTSHITCACASOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You think it's okay to laugh at other people when they fall down, well you just got yourself into a GIGANTO pile of poo-ka-dump-a-doody! For this ill-mannered, sick-ass attitude, YOU have to go on to the trapeze next!
\Oh you think you're so GREAT, well you're NOT WRONG I'm afraid to say! UGH, I HATE WHEN I'M NOT RIGHT! SOMEONE GET ME MY FULL-ON I'M-NOT-FEELING-LIKE-I'M-RIGHT-TODAY QUADRUPLE STUFFED VOLCANO OF MARSHMALLOW AND CHOCOLATE LAVA WITH FUDGE AND CARAMEL MAGMA AND BURSTING POPPING MOUSSE METEORITES! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!! OR ELSE YOU'RE DEAD!
Mmm! CHOMP, CHOMP, CHEW! SWALLOW, GULP! BURP, BURP, BUUUUUUUUUURP!!!!!! What? Why are you looking at me like that? Never seen one of these? Come ON! I mean, EVERYBODY has them! Don't tell me your butler or something never fetched you a FULL-ON I'M-NOT-FEELING-LIKE-I'M-RIGHT-TODAY QUADRUPLE STUFFED VOLCANO OF MARSHMALLOW AND CHOCOLATE LAVA WITH FUDGE AND CARAMEL MAGMA AND BURSTING POPPING MOUSE METEORITES! Oh, what am I saying? You're so stupid and low-life I'm pretty goddamn sure you have no goddamn butler in your goddamn home. Holy shit, that godforsaken no-brain of a waiter forgot my famous rhubarb slab pie! What a ham! No, what a DEAD ham. Waiter, for not bringing my rhubarb slab pie, you're officially EXTINCT! POW! Okay, there, he's dead, I killed him. So, next student on the trapeze?
What? What are those faces? You KNEW he wasn't going to survive for forgetting my rhubarb slap pie, I mean, COME ON, that dumbass has been working here forever, and yet he thinks it's okay to leave out one of my main courses. What a gladly-is-dead-and-no-more ham.
Okay, so while I'm feasting on this AMAZING DELIGHTFUL rhubarb slab pie that some other might-be-in-line-to-die-tomorrow waiter gave me, I need one of you guys to go next. This ain't a friggin' circus class if people are gonna chicken out. Okay, I'll decide. Jane, you go.
Ugh, you're not gonna get in trouble. Just DO it.
WOW! JANE THAT'S AMAZING, THAT'S INCREDIBLE, ASTONISHING, AMAZING, SHOCKING, AMAZING, OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD, DID I ALREADY SAY AMAZING?! I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING IT IS FOR THE FIRST TRY-----
WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED?! Jane, oh my God, are you okay?
Oh my, I see you fell into Loki there. I told you, I warned you guys trapeze wasn't safe, but you didn't want to listen to me. You just went in and swung on the trapeze and I was helpless, I couldn't stop you, because I absolutely had nothing to do with the fact that I forced you to do it because I never did that. Look, you crashed so hard that pieces of the colorful confetti are floating around. Jane, you brainless slob! Whoops, sorry. Loki, help her up, I see you're not hurt because you're a godforsaken god. Get it? HAH! Now help her up, stupid.
JANE! How dare you be so rude when Loki is just trying to help you up? You're acting like it's the end of the world, stop screaming and flailing around like that. He just wants to help you and you're acting like a damsel in distress!
Okay NOW YOU CAN PANIC! LOKI GET OFF HER! OFF, OFF, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loki, I don't know what's got into y---- Loki? Stop staring at Jane, Thor is seeing this you know.
YEAH, THOR! You TELL 'im, that sucked up stuck up moron-ass doesn't deserve a wee widdle winkie of your girl!
Thor, you're disappointed? How can you be? You have to save your girl! Why are you doing thi---
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII BADOOOOOOOOKI ODINSOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE KISSING THOR'S BELOVED GIRL JANE FOSTEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE, CALL THE POLICE!
POLICE, DON'T CHASE AFTER THAT BURGLAR! PLEASE, JUST ARREST THAT GOD! ARREST HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POLICE KIDS, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! THROUGH WHERE NO ONE'S BEEN BEFORE IS LOKI, LOKI IS A PERSON YOU DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THROUGH! YOU HAVE TO ARREST HIM, KIDS!
OFFICER BARNUM, I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOU HITTING ON WYLDSTYLE RIGHT NOW WHO IN FACT HAS A FREAKING ASS FIANCEE WHEN YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO! AND WYLDSTYLE, WHAT'S UP WITH THE FREAKING BLONDE HAIR?
LOOK AT HER! YOU'RE FREAKING HER OUT! UGH, EVEN MY POLICE IS HITTING ON MY GIRLS AND MAKING THEM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE! YOU UNSTABLE OFFICER BARNUM, ARREST LOKI! LOOK, HE'S GETTING AWAAAAAAY!!!!!!!
YES! That's right, Barnum DID do his job. And that job was catching you and arresting you, now for this bad behavior, guess where you're going? A place you haven't been to in a very long time that you ABSOLUTELY HATED from the VERY BEGINNING!
TICKLING DETENTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!! BWAHWAHWAHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOKI ODINSON, DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO ESCAPE THE WRATH OF TICKLING DETENTION! SOMEONE GET HIM!
Oh hello there, Good Cop! TAKE 'IM AWAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SCREAMING 'HELP ME' AND THAT ARE FEELING ALL THOSE HORRIFYING EMOTIONS! Okay, let's move on with the class. Next act is contortion! Okay, my beautiful contortionist assistants will come in and show you how to do it! Here they are!
It's OKAY, guys! We ALL know we can do that, RIGHT?
Don't you give me that surprised fake-I-don't-know-what's-going-on-here-so-I'm-probably-gonna-be-excused slow-ass outrageous moron look on your face, you stupid dumdum! You're still getting forced to do it! Eleven, YOU'RE going.
Hey, hey, HEY! Don't give me that insanely despicable attitude there! You're GOING TO DO IT! Even if you don't want to. GO! DO IT!
THAT'S GREAT! Oh my God, Eleven, and only on your FIRST try! I can't believe you actually DID so well. Who's next?
You want to go, Mary? Okay, let's see what you got!
SHEEEESHASHOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! WOW! Are you ACTUALLY doing that, Mary? I can't BELIEVE IT! Alright, now we're going to be in pairs. Everybody pair up and collaborate in groups of two.
What, Christina? You say you don't want to collaborate because you're afraid of being paired up with Carlos?
What, Dorothy Anne? You're saying according to your research, Christina can't run away because I'm the teacher and what I say has to be obeyed no matter what otherwise people will get hurt? Well, you're absolutely RIGHT! Christina, you are being rude to Carlos for no reason. He might have come off as absolutely revolting and chooptaechuta when you first met him, but give him a second chance, come on, girl. Besides I already paired you up with him way before you even said anything.
What? You want to know what chooptaechuta means? Well I'm sorry, but that is one of my top secret code words that belong in my code-book-of-code-words-that-really-mean-real-bad-words-but-are-code-words that I have mentioned millions of times before. I can't tell you the real word because you students do not need to know what I called Carlos and therefore, you will never know the true meaning of chooptaechuta because it is too inappropriate and not to be known. Okay, continuing. Where was I? Oh yeah, PAIRS! Carlos, you go with Christina. TEE-HEE-HEE!
I do NOT tolerate that crying, Christina. This is OVER THE TOP HERE, okay? All these girls, honestly! You think it's SO okay to treat innocent young boys like Carlos bad just because you don't want to be with them when you're just doing some silly act, well you're WRONG! NOW DO IT!
That's AWESOME, Carlos and Christina! Keep up the good work, and the GOOD BEHAVIOR. I'm looking at YOU, Christina. Okay, now I would like Zendaya and Glapotek to go. Ready, guys?
Zendaya, STOP YELLING at Glapotek! Just because he likes you doesn't mean you have to go full-on hostile on him! Jesus freaking Christ! Show some goddamn respect towards each other, students! Why is that so hard? UGH! Now go and show me the magic you two can bake with each other.
Great JOB, guys! Zendaya, Glapotek, I'm loving the makeup I'm seeing here. Especially the strong strength of Glapotek to hold up you Zendaya when you are gracefully and beautifully looking like a magical creature. Nice work, guys. Keep it up! Also Zendaya, get used to it, I'm going to be teaching you new stuff as well. Just because you are a demonstrater doesn't mean you aren't one of my students, okay, I'd say my work here is done. What? You thought CLASS was over? Well you're DUMBER than I thought. Arnold, say, how about YOU try an act? How about, high-wire?
OH PLEASE! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA DIE! But just-in-case if you do, I'm not gonna be responsible. Remember that. Even if it was me that forced you onto that high wire in the first place.
Great job, Arnold. Just stop being so stiff and do something more than just walking. Here, let me push you. WHOOPS! Arnold fell off. But I don't care. CHRISTINA! Don't you even THINK about running over to him, he's FINE! Okay, now continuing. So guys, we will learn a lot of circus, but for a good reason. The reason why is because I want to have a circus act soon, and you guys have to learn. Well, all I have to say is, CLASS OVER! YES! For the first time without disruption. Bye! Teacher's gotta get Teacher's some sweet pastry love! :)
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